Hi, you do have many clear points in your essay, and as pointed out before, the main problem is spelling/grammar.
obviously, in most cases, parents play an important role in children' whole life.
In my opinion, it would be best to avoid the use of the word 'obviously'. Instead, I would probably write something like "It is obvious that parents play an important role in a child's life."
children are more or less like their parents in some ways. so, in my opinion, i think children should choose the jobs similar to their parents.
I would rephrase "Children are more or less like their parents. So, in my opinion, I think child should choose jobs similar to those of their parents".
Also, changing "First of all" and "Second" to "Firstly" and "Secondly" adds a bit more structure to your essay.
It's a good start but it requires thorough proof-reading.