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"Situation after Reunification of Korean peninsula" - prediction essay


samuela 1 / -  
Aug 7, 2014   #1
my assignment is to make a prediction.
i chose to write about unification of korea.
im worrying about my thesis statement and syntax.
please check my essay.

situation after Reunification of Korean peninsula

In the future, It is clear that korean reunification occurs without any war in 20 years because Kim Jung eun's regime seems more unstable than his father's one and korean government is trying to prepare for unification in various ways such as unification tax, diplomatic efforts. If the day of unification were to come, three main things would happen.

First of all, unified korea will be a main country of world peace. UN headquarter could be relocated to Incheon from New York and DMZ place will be the peace memorial park to memorize unification. In addition, foreign visitors to Korea will double in 2034 compared to 12.1 million in 2014. As a result, Korea's tourism revenue would hit record high.

Secondly, the unified government will develop all the resources that is in the north of unified korea. According to wikipedia, there are many mineral resources such as magnetite, tungsten ore, graphite, gold ore, and molybdenum in north korea . mineral resources will be exported to around would by using train lane already built in 2025. Government will surely earn trillions of dollars through mineral resources .

Lastly, the employment boom will occur to build infrastructure in north part of korea. Even jobless people could get a job to finish constructions quickly. In 2034, unemployment rate will decrease to zero percent from 4 percent in 2014 While many global companies invest trillions of dollars in unified korea. Thus, most of global companies located in north east asia could relocate their branches to korea to use geographical advantages of korea.

In conclusion, reunification surely would come and be the chances for korea to make further steps to be closer to wealthiest country because Korean government will have already prepared all things for unification. Thus, young people will be the generation who will finally see the unified korea in their generation. Unified korea is the exact prediction and it would bring a lot of blessings to korean peninsula.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 8, 2014   #2
In the future, It is clear that

Do not capNot capitalize a word that comes after a,. Only capitalize the first letter of the sentence. Also, capitalize proper nouns like 'Korea' and 'Korean'...

You had a concern about your thesis statement. I think the thesis statement should appear at the end of the first paragraph, and it should be very interesting or at least carry a very important idea. The thesis statement contains the main message that is being transmitted by your essay. What is the main message of the essay? I do not really see a strong argument to support the prediction that reunification will happen. You described what reunification will be like and how it will be beneficial, but I think something is missing from the essay because you did not give much support to show that you are likely to be correct in predicting this.

I think you should have a thesis statement that tells the reader YOU are going to be part of the reason reunification happens: I am confident in the prospect of reunification, because I intend to use my talents and professional skills to make it happen.


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