Shu, you certainly did your best to express your relevant and very good opinions on the topic presented. I applaud you for your excellent effort and clearly thought out and developed essay. However, your grammar needs help in order to better present your ideas. Let me help you out with that aspect of the essay. I will offer my suggestions about how the essay could have been better presented :-)
People who harbor the view that zoos should ...
- People believe that zoos restrict the movement of wild animals within their cages. They are forced to interact with humans, which leads to their domestication. A process which removes their natural instincts for survival in the wild.In contrast, some people believe that zoos protect ...
- Others believe that the zoos protect the animals, specially the rare kinds, and thus prevent the endangerment and extinction of the species. As more and more animals are hunted for the needs and luxuries of humans, the zoos present a safe haven for these animals whose mission and reason for being is to protect and conserve the life of the animals that need care.Personally, I agree that zoo is beneficial for rare animals ...
- I am of the opinion that these zoos serve a benefit for the animals whose diverse wildlife and habitats are being threatened by the constantly expanding use of forest land and resources by humans. As their habitats are demolished in the name of human advancement and as climate change continues to adversely affect the wild life habits, these animals need a place to protect them from the dangers of an ever changing world. This kind of protection can only exist for them in zoos.To sum up, it is significant that zoos are used to protect ...
- Your conclusion is wrong. You are not supposed to present a new idea or present suggestions in the conclusion. Do a correct restatement of the prompt, summary of discussion, and presentation of your opinion again in order to properly close the essay.This is an excellent effort. Keep up the good work!