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Should a sense of competition in children should be encouraged? - my IELTS writing


answers: 2
Dec 25, 2010, 10:06am   #
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



The issue of children's education has been constantly debatable among pubic. Some people believe that to encourage children to cooperate is better than to teach them to compete. However, my personal view is that competition and cooperation is both important as children are growing up.

The reasons for encouraging cooperation may involve the recognition that most of the problems which humanity is facing now, whether it is environmental pollution, war, energy insufficiency, or famine, are unlikely to be combated by only an individual. These issues are often very complex and sensitive. Therefore, the solution to all these problems is the need for a collective cooperation, which means different people from different areas to cope with. After all, an individual could not master all knowledge and have the enough energy to resolve them. Even if a person who has this kind of ability, it would be much more efficient and less time consuming by cooperation with others, which is a significant pattern for current developing of our society.

On the other hand, there are a great number of new technologies and services arisen from competition, which bring about great advances for our society. Numerous studies clearly suggest that through competition, people tend to have the sense that they have to create something different in order to show they are the best ones. In consequence, new thoughts are likely to be produced, which could either boost the progress of the whole community, or make people themselves become much more competitive to hold a job place because it is a vital feature to identify people from others.

In conclusion, I would say that all individuals who live in our current world, particularly these children, are the need for having both sense of cooperation and competition, which is not only efficiently contributed to our society's progressing, but also good for personal developing.
Dec 25, 2010, 03:42pm   #
among = amongst
"some people believe...." = some people believe that encouraging children to cooperate is better than teaching them to compete.
"that both competition and cooperation" = both competition and cooperation
The issue of children's education has been constantly debated in our society.

...and less time consuming in cooperation with others, which is a significant pattern for current developing of our society. This part is unclear, but you write very well and I bet you can replace it with some words that convey your intended meaning! :-)

On the other hand, there are a great number of new technologies and services have arisen from competition, which brings about great advances for our society.

...in our current world, particularly these children, are the need for having should have a sense of cooperation and also competition, which not only contribute to our society's progressing, but also are good for personal development.

:-)



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