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Select a cultural phenomenon - do you see any danger in our society's dependence?


link2 1 / -  
Oct 20, 2014   #1
Unintended Consequences of Technology
The influence of technology in family life today has both negative and positive effects. Today families are using more technology than in the nineties. The excessive use of technology and its dependence can be ultimately damaging. The detrimental effects are lack of family connections, lack of physical inactivity, and deteriorated patience.

According to researchers from the Boston Medical Center hand held devices affects parenting skills. Dr. Jenny S. Radesky observed 40 out of 50 parents in a restaurant preoccupied with their phones and one third used their phone throughout the entire meal. She states some children sat in silence and others were more active. The conclusion that was drawn from the study was that we do not need to put our devices away, but yet be more observant create boundaries of when and where it is appropriate to use your device. In a 2006 survey of 100,000 teens across 25 states, higher frequency of family dinners was associated with more positive values and a greater commitment to learning. Teens from homes having fewer family dinners were more likely to exhibit high risk behaviors and academic problems. Technology is not going to disappear, family communication will not diminish if it is monitored and controlled. Yet According to a recent poll by Pew Internet and American Life Project states that Americans are as tightknit than last generation due to evolving technology. In the poll 60 percent stated that technology did not affect their relationships, while 25 percent stated that technology has made their relationships stronger and 11 percent said technology had a negative affect and 4 percent did not know. A father of three states " that it is useful in business but is not convinced of the benefits at home which replaces face to face communication and drifts families apart".

As reported by the YMCA a survey was conducted on parents of children ranging in ages of 5 to 10, 42 percent of parents said that TV, videos games and cell phones were to blame for lack of exercise. Although technology was to blame 74 percent opt to spend family time watching TV and 53 percent spend time playing video games with them.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
Link, your title indicates that technology in general is a threat to our society's independence. You need to revise your title to instead indicate that technology is a social phenomenon that reduces our physical interaction with one another. That is what the evidence you presented in your essay is talking about. None of the explanations you gave relates to the danger of technology in relation to society's independence. Either use a new title for the essay or revise the content of your essay to better reflect the title you chose.

While it is good that you were able to present verifiable academic sources for this essay you never let us know what your personal opinion on the matter is and what course of action you think we should take to prevent technology from overtaking our lives. These should be a part of the 3rd or paragraph of your essay. It sets up the foundation for a more solid conclusion and summary at the end. An effective essay knows how to mix facts with personal opinions and examples to illustrate certain points. Your essay lacks those parts.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 20, 2014   #3
Technology is not going to disappear, family communication will not diminish if it is monitored and controlled.

I like your straightforward writing style. Now I want to suggest a way to make your essays leave a deep impression on the mind of readers.

First, I suggest not starting with a 'statement of the obvious.' Your first several sentences are all obvious. The quoted sentence above should perhaps be moved to the beginning so that it becomes the first sentence of the essay. But add 'and':

Technology is not going to disappear, and family communication will...

That makes an interesting first sentence.

Now find the sentence that tells the reader clearly that it has both good and bad effects and that we stay mindful of the specific dangers that come with our dependence on it. Put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

All the writing is great! I just want to see if you can use the first sentence of the first paragraph to INTRIGUE the reader and use the last sentence of the first paragraph to express the main message of the essay. : )


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