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IELTS: Nowadays, many secondary schools teach business and communication skills


gustmd09 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2013   #1
IELTS: Nowadays, many secondary schools teach business and communication skills that help students get a job instead of traditional subjects such as history. Do you agree or disagree with this change?

With the increasing unemployment rate, many parents prefer schools to provide lessons that are helpful for students to prepare for a future job, such as business or communication classes. As a result, the number of classes such as history and ethics are decreasing. It seems that this change needs to be considered due to the fact that traditional subjects also have their benefits as much as business classes do.

It is true that more benefits exist when subjects related to students' potential occupations are introduced at the early stage. It provides a broader background that helps decide their future careers. It then allows them to make a better choice of a subject at a tertiary education. Furthermore, if an individual found an interest in such a class, they are more likely to study and develop the relevant skills earlier than others. It gives more opportunity to success in the filed they choose. Thus, such classes are preferably recommended.

The importance of traditional classes, however, should not be neglected because they are also helpful for individuals' career. One benefit could be that it allows students to foster a better personality by learning moral values in ethics classes and experiencing ancestors' lessons in history classes. Also, a broader knowledge of such subjects will let students to solve problems in a variety of perspectives. These benefits are definitely a positive factor not only for their career but also for personal interaction skills and therefore such classes are as equally important as business classes are.

In conclusion, even though there is a high demand for schools to have business or communication skill subjects, schools should not decrease the number of classes of traditional subjects. That is because students will also have benefits from learning history or ethics when it comes to the employment.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 19, 2013   #2
With the increasing unemployment rate, many parents prefer schools to provide lessons that are helpful for students to prepare for a future job, such as business or communication classes.

Your prompt does not talk about the parents preferences. Try to stay with your prompt, otherwise your writing would look out of topic. This is what I suggest;

Finding employment is becoming increasingly competitive day by day (hook). Therefore many secondary schools focus on subjects like business and communication in order to prepare their students with skills that help them with future career opportunities. For this reason, they tend to give much lesser priority to subjects like history because they view them as less productive for the students' future. (background of the argument) However, I do not agree with this view and believe that these subjects too are important in building the students' character and personality. (thesis statement)

Open your future IELTS threads in Writing Feedback forum.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 19, 2013   #3
It is true that more benefits exist when subjects related to students' potential occupations are introduced at the early stage

It is true that there will be more benefits when children gain knowledge and skills from a young age for their future potential careers.
You better have more specific examples for your reasoning. The ones you have written lack the specific nature.

The importance of traditional classes, however, should not be neglected because they are also helpful for individuals'career.

... more than career, they are helpful in shaping one's character and wisdom. For example, knowing history would prevent a person repeating the same mistake in reality.
OP gustmd09 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2013   #4
dumi
Thank you very much for your feedback. I feel like I need to practice a lot more.
I am always finding the introduction so difficult. it normally takes around 10 minutes to finish.
again, Thank you for your time.


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