Toefl essay - Science or art - contributed more in the society

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contribution of artists to society with the contribution of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

Those who are using the best artistic creations and advance scientific luxuries are the people who are living in the developed society. In this context, some people advocate that artists have made better contribution in the society's development. So other advocates that it is science that is responsible for today's cozy life. However, artist and scientist both has their distinct set of involvement in the process of society's development. In my opinion, science has gathered imperative information faster than any other sector in order to develop the world.

Firstly, if we turn the pages of history, it will be quit conspicuous that sciences' efforts to make this world better place has provided us comparably better world. Today we have better medicines and treatments available for lethal disease than ever before. We have awareness about the planets around earth, which was not known by infinite number of people previously. We have better technologies and instruments to carry out our day to day to technical tasks. On the other hand, artist has framed their imaginative images and hypothetical thoughts for society that has not effected large number of people. But it is not deniable that entertainment industry is phenomenally accelerated with the advancement of world and provided better ways of entertainment to the citizens. But this entertainment cost people lot of money but scientific inventions unlike artist's task has made people more aware as well as offered better life.

Secondly, Science contribution is not limited till series of inventions and discoveries for human society, it has also impacted the economic status of people. While contributing in the development of society science has also provided employment and financial advancement to the people. On the flip side, art has attracted many people to consider it more as hobby then profession due to limited assurance of financial stability. Current society has been more inclined towards science then arts.

Contemporary society is indeed effort of human's team work. In this team work science has worked toward improving the most sensitive and essential aspect of human lives then secondary needs. Therefore, science is way more rewarding than any other contributors in progression of society.

i think your intro is too long, maybe you can make it shorter, but still covers the question and your expression.

If I rearrange the sentence, what do you think? Here is:
To face up the developed society, some people always use the best artistic creations and advance scientific luxuries.


This is an incomplete sentence You need to put an independent clause.

if you change as below, it would be more perfect.