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Same amount of money for students' sports activity/ university library?


ftn 2 / 7  
Dec 20, 2013   #1
TOEFL essay
I would appreciate any help. (I am not quite sure about the bold parts.)

Education and scientific achievements are always the first priority of universities, and they cannot fulfill it unless by providing well-equipped and high-tech libraries. I believe university library demands much more amount of money than sports activities do. I think this way for two main reasons. First, library is an indispensable part of university. Second, some study sources and research materials are available only through university library. For these reasons, I feel that it is wiser to finance library more than other recreational activities.

First and foremost, libraries are vital parts of universities, and this is why universities are recognized by the richness and modern technology of their libraries. Nowadays, libraries have to keep up with the most recent progressions and changes in the world of science and technology so as to maintain the university competent among other universities. They have to provide students and professors with the most up-to-date books, journals, computers, search engines, and databases. These all cost a great deal of investment. Furthermore, students almost entirely count on the university library to study for their courses, to do variety of necessary researches and assignments, and even to make breakthroughs in science. For instance, during my master education, I needed some special reference books for completion of my thesis that unfortunately our library lacked. I had to squander a lot of my precious time on exploring those books at other universities, instead of doing the essential experiments in the laboratory. It was really waste of time to seek other universities for very rudimentary handbooks. At that time, I really wished that our university had invested more on its library than it had invested on luxury sports activities such as horse riding.

Another important point to take into account is that some study materials and research sources are inaccessible out of universities libraries. Handbooks are too expensive for students to afford it, and the student might refer to it just one single time, so it is not worth to buy it. Aside from that, some of them are very scarce, and they only might be available upon an academic institution's order. Moreover, students are widely in need of scientific databases, offering journal articles and book chapters, for accomplishment of their research reports, experiments, and theses. Only institutions and limited individuals under some special circumstances and regular payments have access to these databases. For example, last summer our library did not renew its account with scientific databases. It was a mess. Many students suffered from this shortage because they would not be able to finish and hand in their reports.

To sum it up, universities should greatly fund their libraries in order to benefit their students and faculty properly. This is because libraries are crucial for universities, and they assert students and researchers with unique and infrequent study sources. Universities should make libraries their first concern.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 20, 2013   #2
Education and scientific achievements are always the first priority of universities, and they cannot fulfill it ...

Well.... this looks like a direct answer to a question.However, this tasks you to present your essay writing skills and it would give you marks to those particular features.
OP ftn 2 / 7  
Dec 20, 2013   #3
TOEFL essay

TOPIC: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT? UNIVERSITIES SHOULD GIVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY TO THEIR STUDENTS' SPORTS ACTIVITIES AS THEY GIVE TO THEIR UNIVERSITY LIBRARY. USE SPECIFIC REASONS AND EXAMPLES TO SUPPORT YOUR OPINION.
OP ftn 2 / 7  
Dec 20, 2013   #4
Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention

Dear Dumi
Thank you for your help

Actually, I did try to use hook(my first sentence), but seemingly, this sentence did not work as a hook.
Could you make your point (about hook) more clear by giving an example?

Thanks again
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 20, 2013   #5
Education and scientific achievements are always the first priority of universities, and they cannot fulfill it unless by providing well-equipped and high-tech libraries

The problem here is that it supports only one side of the issue before introducing the issue to the reader. So she (dumi) may have got the impression that you have stated your opinion as you opened the essay. It is the first impression the reader gets. The hook should provide you an entrance to the introduction to your topic. It should be relevant to your topic and catchy too. However, toughing on only one side of the argument in your hook may sometimes give this misleading impression.
OP ftn 2 / 7  
Dec 20, 2013   #6
I got it.
So thanks


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