Hi, this is my independent writing practice for TOEFL, if u would give me some suggestions about my writing I'd be appreciate!
Question:
It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Response:
People live in different neighborhoods have different needs. For people who live in country sides, they might not want stores or restaurants to disturb their environment. But for people who chose to live in the cities, they probably would hope more stores and restaurants to be opened there so their lives would be more convenient. As a resident in the center of a big city, I would love to have a new restaurant built around my house because that would give me more choices to dine and other restaurants might improve due to the competition.
A new restaurant in my neighborhood would allow me to have more options. Although there are many restaurants in my neighborhood, I only go to few of them because they are either too expensive or their foods are not good. If a new restaurant opens, I would have a new place to eat and it might become my favorite one around the neighborhood. Also, I eat out most of the time because I don't have much time to go to markets and cook for myself. Therefore, I almost eat out everyday. Living in a neighborhood with many unsatisffying restaurants, I often feel quite upset since I'm quite tired of eating foods from a few acceptable restaurants. My living quality will improve a lot due to the construction of a new restaurant. It might be as bad as those restaurants I refuse to go, but at least there's a chance that it might be a great one that I like.
Also, the opening of a new restaurant would increase the competition between restaurants in my neighborhood. In that case, all these restaurants would hae to figure out ways to attract new customers and keep old ones. They're going to examine their menu, food, and decoration and so on in order to earn profits and survive. While restaurant owners and workers may be suffered from the competition, people living in the neighborhood, including me, would become beneficiaries of the competition. It is likely that we will have better foods and services in our neighborhood. Therefore, I think a new restaurant would force the old ones to improve themselves and I would be able to eat decent foods in beautiful areas.
Maybe there have already been lots of restaurants in my neighborhood; however, most of them are not providing good food and service. With the opening of a new restaurants, the residents here would be able to enjoy wonderful dining experiences. I believe that a new restaurant could be a great one and it will affect other old restaurants around it to change. Residents would love to dine at restaurants in their own neighborhood and owners would also learn lots of money from them. In the long run, my neighborhood would become more prosperous and people living here will be happier.
musicariel
dear Ariel,
[ My living quality will improve a lot due to the construction of a new restaurant. It might be as bad as those restaurants I refuse to go, but at least there's a chance that it might be a great one that I like. ]
My suggestion is that "opening" of a new restaurant might be better.
Besides, the last sentence in the paragraph seems to weaken your reason and stand.
It might be as bad as those restaurants I refuse to go, but at least there's a chance that it might be a great one that I like.
I think this line should have come much earlier in this paragraph. You talk all good about having this restaurant in your neighborhood ignoring the fact that how good its service would be. You could have mentioned that fact earlier in the para and then you could have said it's still worth taking a chance.
Also, the opening of a new restaurant would increase the competition between restaurants in my neighborhood.
... this is good... this para is much stronger than the previous one.
Wish you good luck with TOEFL :)
For people who live in country sides, they might not want stores or restaurants to disturb their environment.(why?)
It might be as bad as those restaurants I refuse to go, but at least there's a chance that it might be a great one that I like.( weaken your reason and stand.)
And, all u want to interpret is that restaurants in your neighhood are bad. But the key point in the topic is that "a new restaurant" may be built in your neighborhood.Not bout those old ones.
plus, the reason u give only about competition and give u more choice, i think it is too narrow.
