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'crowded, polluted, noisy place' - a new high school may be built in the neighborhood


Asselya /  
Nov 24, 2008   #1
Nowadays people are interested in education, foundation of what is high school. Investors are interested in building a new high school because education is synonym of word demand, government is interested in building a new high school because good educated generation is future of country, as in both situation as concerns result will be building new high schools everywhere where it is necessary. Thus, if I do not have a high school in my neighborhood, in future I probably may have, and if it will, I would not support this idea.

Firstly because, the place where it is going to be built, will be crowded, which means noisy. After building the new high school, there will be polluted and crowded, like during it was built, because in break times pupils are going to the outside of school where throwing away mess and other things. And in every school there are some bad pupils, who do not go to lessons sitting on a stool of your house and smoking and even drinking alcohol drinks. Finally, there always will pupils, who last mess, especially tins and butts and who can not be quite.

Another big disadvantage is that it will be big traffic jams near to your house. For example we know that in holidays, when pupils are resting, we have less traffic jams, even no traffic jams. So if a new high school may be built in my neighborhood, it means rest of transportation are moving toward my house, which are causing more traffic jams, that it was before.

In conclusion, if someone decides to built a new high school in my neighborhood I will oppose this idea, because it seem to me like this idea does not have advantages, if, of course, I am not pupil of this school or parent who is needed in school near to house.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 24, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

Please review the comments I have made previously on your pieces in relation to this one, as they apply here as well.

I have edited the first paragraph:

"Nowadays people are interested in education, the foundation of high school. Investors are interested in building a new high school because education is a synonym of the word demand, and the government is interested in building a new high school because a good educated generation is the future of the country, as in both situations as concerns result will be building new high schools everywhere where it is necessary.Please clarify; I don't understand what you mean here. "

My main concern here is your mechanics; you have a good essay but I am afraid that your story will get lost in mechanical errors. To help with this, I suggest one of the books from the "Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" series written by Stephen Reid. You can pick any of them up cheap used, or get them from the library. I think there are six in the series now, and any of them would help you here.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP Asselya /  
Nov 25, 2008   #3
good evening..)))

as in both situation people interested in education(ones in money which it will bring, others in future of country) , therefore result will be many high schools...

what grade u can give for this essay?

thanks a lot..!!)))
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 25, 2008   #4
I would give it probably a low c; make sure your sentences are understandable and that they are structured well.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP Asselya /  
Dec 3, 2008   #5
thank you very much!!!)))


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