Hi everyone, I'm an undergraduate and this is my essay about the topic friendship. Please help me improve it, any comment is welcomed. Thank you.
Topic: Friendships are an integral part of a person's life. Unfortunately, some of these relationships do not last. Write an essay highlighting some of the reasons that friendships sometimes die.
Essay:
Friendships have been an indispensable part in our lives. We work with, play with and even learn from our friends. However, maintaining a friendship is not an easy task and sometimes friendships cannot last very long. There are several reasons to such cases, which includes mismatch personality and money-related conflict.
First and foremost, matched personalities often decide the strength of friendship through time. Friends who have such contrast characteristics can hardly find their hobbies in common and usually run out of topic to talk about. For example, a cheerleader can hardly stand sitting all day in a room with a computer enthusiast. Furthermore, matched personalities bring about understanding and tolerance. Of course, friends with different personal traits can also understand each other but it takes them a long time to get to know each other well. Friends with similar characteristics are able to get on well much sooner as they tend to tolerate their friends behavior more right from the start.
In addition, financial conflicts are able to cause fragile in a friendship easily. It is common that friends help each other through difficult periods so sometimes one needs to borrow money from their mates. If the debt is overdue or unpaid, the borrower loses credit. And if the situation prolongs multiple times, the lender completely lose their trust. It is suggested that friends keep their friendship out of the pitfall of financially debt in order to remain reliability.
In conclusion, mismatch personalities and financial problem are two of the reason cause friendship to break. Whichever the reason is, one should keep a genuinely heart and honesty, which can be the key to any fracture.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 Overall, it's good writing, but I have a few details to discuss:
There are several reasons to such cases, which includes
friends with different personal traits can also understand each other (a comma) but it takes
the lender completely loseS their trust
financially debt in order to remain
mismatch personalities and financial problem are two of the reason cause why friendshipSendto break
Friendships have been an indispensable part in our lives. We work with, play with and even learn from our friends. However, maintaining a friendship is not an easy task and sometimes friendships cannot last very long. There are several reasons to such cases, which includes mismatch personality and money-related conflict.
Excellent introduction. Only the last line has a few issues :)
There are several reasons to such cases, which includes mismatch personality and money-related conflict.
reasons includeand not includesThere are several reasons for such short living friendships. They include reasons like personality mismatches, money related conflicts etc.Thank you very much, Dumi and Eddie. Since you are the moderator, may I ask on the scale of Ielts writing (from 1-9), how much point am I able to get?
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 476 may I ask on the scale of Ielts writing (from 1-9), how much point am I able to get?
the best way to measure your writing is to compare and understand what the IELTS Writing band descriptors (Task 2) say, consisting of Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
