Hey everybody!
Please review my essay and write whether there is smth wrong with it.
Thanks in advance!
The question being asked is if countries should cooperate with other countries instead of isolating themselves. I consider this topic very interesting and at the same time very important, because we can observe these two kinds of countries in our world. Communication plays one of the most important roles in our society. Thus, being friendly with other countries will do only good. However, isolating leads to conflicts, disputes, violence and disturbance between relations of countries. That's why I think that countries should engage other countries. It is very important to have unity.
The first reason why I think that engaging is better is that unity always leads to the establishment of power. Power is considered to be one of the most needed things in the world. If there is power, there is confidence in another day. I think, if countries unite, they create their own little world in our real world. With the help of many countries such problems can be solved as the environment, war and peace, starvation, education and so on. In my opinion, only well-cooperated countries, and those who are on friendly terms, can work together and make an improvement of our world
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The second reason is that unity is also very good for the country itself. It provides an economic stability and more. For example, there are lots of tractors being produced in my country but we do not have gas, thus, we can export tractors and import gas. It is all fine, but without cooperation and unity there would not be any exchange. Any country would not be able to survive because this or that does not have all kinds of resources in one country. I suppose that engaging plays a crucial role here.
To sum up my ideas, I would like to mention that it is always better to work together and not isolate ourselves. We should learn how to cooperate in a better way, how to improve our world. But we can achieve these goals only working together. In conclusion, countries should not isolate themselves from the world but engage with each other.
I think you did a very good job, of answering the question of isolationism. You give two good reasons, for unity. I think though, that traditionally, three arguments would be better. So you would introduce them, in the first paragraph, and sum up, in the last one.
I made a few sentence structure changes, some word choice alterations, and punctuation substitutions. I just felt you needed to consolidate some of what you were saying! You need to eliminate run-on sentences, because they weaken your argument. Be careful not to mix up sentences with fragments; make sure each sentence, has a subject and verb. I
I also added spacing between paragraphs, as I feel this adds readability, and allows the eye to rest between ideas.
Your essay really only needs a bit of work, to make it truly polished.
Good luck!
ef_carol
