The measure of the impossibility of an idea is directly correlated ---no, the measure is not corelated. The level of impossibility is.
The impossibility of an idea is
correlated to the amount of will someone has to believe the impossible is in fact possible. --I took out some commas.
This is an idea that I have held onto throughout the course of my existence.
Not a necessary sentence. Besides, you did not always have this idea! You existed as a baby, for example.
The impossibility of something, regardless of what topic or subject it concerns, is what I strive to combat. I aim to succeed past these limits placed by society, and seek to carve my own path through this journey known as life.
let's not belabor the point.
In order to advance beyond
a seemingly unclimbable barrier, one must have power. However, unlike the more common definition, power in this case is the power to think differently than others; the power to change and fix the world's problems that other would see as unachievable. As I have grown in age as well as mind, my desire to accomplish my dreams and goals has not diminished. ---Okay, i want to know what they are! The goals are the driving forces that motivate you.
The ability to never surrender to the clutches of incompetency and failure continues to fuel my will to attain my dreams and aspirations. ---Okay, what are they!?
Ultimately, if I am able to help mankind in any way, shape, or form, then my life as well as my dreams will be fulfilled.---Can you be more specific!?
:-) The essay is about believing nothing is impossible, achieving goals, etc. That is great, but I think you should explain WHAT is so important to you that you have this perseverance.