I've been out of school for nearly 3 years, and I've been assigned my first graded essay. I've been working on it here and there, but still can't get it to flow. I was wondering if I could get some feedback, and with your feedback... if I could get your expertise. You know, what do you do, where'd you go to college.
Is this a student helping student forum? Anyway, thanks a lot. I really do appreciate any serious help I can get. I've got to nail these basic essays and this English class if I want in to a good Pharmacy school.
The assignment is a formal essay, 3 pages in length and double spaced. <-- irrelevant, sorry
The topic: One specific quality or characteristic that helps make a person a good parent.
"The most important quality one can have while raising a child is patience. Patience is a virtue that is rarely practiced, and for some, it may seem nearly impossible to master. Patience is a skill, and like any skill, it takes time to perfect it. Parenting is a venture that not only requires an inconceivable amount of attention, but great endurance as well. This particular attribute will prove to be one of the most valuable traits picked up along the road to raising a child.
Parenting can be a daunting task, and it's especially difficult for new mothers and fathers. From the time children are infants, to the time they learn how to tie their shoes, they will cry. Sometimes it's expected, they're hungry or perhaps tired, but most of the time the tears begin to pour down their rosy cheeks for no apparent reason; creating a state of panic and frustration amongst new parents. Patience plays a key role in understanding and dealing with a child's unavoidable episodes. Parents who don't practice patience often have a hard time coping with these sorts of situations, and occasionally resort to other remedies in order to quiet an infant. In some cases, the extreme lack of patience can lead to children being shaken (Shaken Baby syndrome) and these demonstrations can result in the death of a baby. This isn't the only time a parent will encounter a situation that requires a great deal of patience.
As patience proves to be an invaluable tool during the first few years of parenting, it is just as vital to parental success during the adolescent years as well. The random bursts of tears will fade, and the overwhelming task of catering to the infant's every need will deteriorate over time, but you can be sure that the next phase of parenting wont be easy without a little tolerance. As the youths begin to develop into young adults they will need: new clothes for school, clean pants for football, or a new trumpet for band practice. Parents are expected to provide for the child, usually ignoring their own difficulties along the way. Perhaps they're barely hanging on at work, losing the six pack from their college days, or even be on the brink of bankruptcy; children will always be priority number one. Patience is quite obviously the most valuable tool in the coping toolbox. Perhaps it's nine o' clock, and the parent has had a full day at work. He or she is exhausted, and the moment it's time for bed the children remember they need two pillowcases each for an early Halloween party the following morning. This instantly turns into a hectic situation, and the parent needs to make one of two choices: go to the store and pick-up the pillowcases, or go back to bed and let his or her child go unprepared. It's an obvious turn out; the parent will take a deep breath or count to ten and then hit the road. Regardless of how tired they are or how frustrated parents get; they will usually prevail with a little patience.
As kids finish their final year of high school and prepare to leave for college, the everyday grind of washing an impossible amount of clothes, making sure dinner is prepared and forcing them to do their homework is rapidly coming to a close. The distinct feeling of accomplishment begins to flow like the Nile through parents' bodies. It's time for the once helpless infant to make his or her own way in the world. While this might not be a formal good-bye, it is a stressful time and requires a great deal of perseverance. College costs money, and a lot of it. They will need books, computers, cell phones and a vehicle. The tension will build as the days wind down toward their departure. Parents will be required to let their sons and daughters roam free, and doing so calls for great patience.
Mr. Harris, my English teacher, told my class a brief story of his animosity for baseball, and about the first time his son asked him to sign up for tee-ball. Although he couldn't bear to watch the sport, he agreed to sign his boy up for tee-ball; ignoring the rotten feeling in the pit of his stomach. When the season started, Mr. Harris had not the slightest clue what was going on, so he began taking his son to college level games to learn the rules and positions. By the time the season was finished Mr. Harris couldn't get enough baseball, and it was his son who was ready to move on. This is a perfect example of how patience trumps most any characteristic pertaining to parenting. Raising a child is a full time job that requires swinging at a few wild pitches, and working through the tough times with patience."
It's due Tuesday, and I'll probably edit it throughout tonight and tomorrow... again. Thanks for any help! I'm just looking for the A.
Good evening!
In regards to your questions about the forum, it is kind of a mixture. There are other students who post assistance on the forums; but as for myself, I have taught English literuature and writing at various levels of academia, elementary through college levels. I have a bachelor's and a master's degree, and currently teach literature at a college. When you post something here, depending on what you need, I can help guide you through conducting research, help with structure, and writing mechanics.
You have a very good essay here; just a few mechanical corrections, and you're well on your way! Nice work!
Gloria, thank you. It's awful kind of you to read, and offer tips on how to fix students essays in your free time. I sincerely appreciate it. I still feel as if it's a bit empty, or not personal enough... but I've never had to write a formal essay before either. I'm used to creative writing, and this is hardly creative.
Anyway, I'm glad to be part of the forum. Any more tips on how to thicken it up, or if you notice parts that could use more detail... please let me know!
Take care, thanks again!
