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the proportion of older people,postive and negative effects.-----IELTS


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In many countries,the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend make positive or negative effects to society?

A prevailing phenomenon nowadays is that in many countries ageing population has become a general trend. It has both merits and demerits. As for me, the former prevails over the latter.

The drawbacks of increasing proportion of elderly are multifarious. Some people feel upset at the prospect that it will increase stress of feeding the whole population, the old in particular, on youngsters' shoulders, who in fact have enough trouble paying for their own daily life. Others are concerned about the costs of supporting this huge amount of aged groups in pension system may be a financial problem for government, especially when economy recession occurs. Further, when financial crisis comes up, economy will not easily resuscitate with its domestic consumption reliant on an ageing population, which is more worried about its health and security in its dotage.

On the contrary, optimists come up with some novel ideas countering opinions mentioned above. They feel that a mature population spells more opportunities for the country. Harmony and mercy would be civilized and developed symbols of a society where more care is taken to elderly who made great efforts and devoted their golden time for the advancement of the society. It is also helpful to establish an environment in which young children can learn how to respect and take care their elder generations. Creativity and innovation in certain new industries such as nursing care centers, senior university programs, eco-tourism and specific products for old people only, have proved that they still a large consumer group .This is another aspect show how it benefits the society.

All in all, the fact that throughout the world ageing population is an unchangeable trend. It has both upsides and downsides. But it is my firm belief that its benefits outweigh the negatives.


Your recommendation will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Hei Lu! :D

While your essay has such a wonderful structure and don't get me started on your very "I-had-to-read-your-essay-with-the-dictionary-next-to-me" vocabulary, I don't fully like it. I think the arguments you made in the second paragraph are far stronger than the ones you described in the second. I think it is not ok to ignore a reasonable concern by just mentioning "the children can benefit from it" while it isn't even true on the long run. That's just a thought though.


Others are concerned about the costs of supporting this huge amount of aged groups in a pension system may be a financial problem for government, especially when an economic recession occurs.

Furthermore, when financial crisis comes up (/when stricken by a financial crisis), the economy will not easily resuscitate with its domestic consumption reliant(/relying) on an ageing population, which is more worried about its health and security in its dotage. -- Not all old people are senile, but ok. XD Just hope the one correcting the essay won't be old.


All in all, the fact that throughout the world ageing population is an unchangeable trend. It has both upsides and downsides. -- You were missing the predicate for the main clause, so I put those two sentences together. However, this sentence is incorrect. Societies where the elderly overwhelm the providing faction of the country do not include major parts of Africa and South America, but quite a lot of developed countries such as Germany, Russia or Japan.



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