SUBJECT::
In general, people are living longer now than before. Discuss the causes of the recent increase in life expectancy. Use specific reasons and detail to develop your essay.
ESSAYS::
With the development of medical technology and knowledge, people nowadays can live much longer than they used to. There are various reasons why the people's lifespan has prolonged and two of which will be listed below.
Firstly, as the process of technology has contributed to the medical equipment and treatment in recent years, the medical standard in the society has leveled up gradually. Many diseases are no longer incurable. Diagnosed at earlier stage, some of terminal diseases like cancer are predictable under doctor's control. Moreover, current technology allows human beings' organs to be transformed from one body to another,which considerably decreasing the mortality of human beings.
Secondly, it is true that the affairs related to elderly people are intensively taken into account by the government and the society facing the soaring rate of senior citizens' population. The welfare formulated by the authorities provides practical fundings to elderly people, such as sickness pay or annual subsidy, which financially assisting them a lot.
In addition, many organizations and individuals in the society give a boost to the establishments of nursing homes. The proliferation of it in the society gives a big aid of taking care of senior citizens. The sound and suitable facilities and qualified staffers with medical knowhow in the nursing home help elders to live a life easierly in this well-prepared place.
In conclusion, it is clear to see life expectancy is longer then the past. Advances in medication, officially welfare in funding and locally nursing houses are the explanations for this trend.
THANK YOU! :)
I have provided some changes. I have given you some ways to improve. I hope this will be helpful to you and make your essay better.
1st paragraph: I would revise this sentence to: "...why people's lives have been prolonged, two..."
2nd paragraph: Here is a suggestion on how you can improve this sentence:
"First, as technology has contributed to advanced medical equipment and treatment in recent years, the medical standard in society has improved." The sentence regarding being diagnosed with certain diseases is confusing. It should begin by stating: "For example, when patients are diagnosed during the earlier stages of diseases, some terminal diseases like cancer are treatable under a doctor's control" You have to explain to the reader who you are referring to, so using patients will help the reader to understand your example. In the next sentence, change decreasing to decreases.
3rd paragraph: I don't think this paragraph fits with the other information in the essay.
I think this essay needs to be revised because it begins discussing medical equipment and treatment, but then shifts to the senior citizen population. It does not mention geriatric care or medical equipment such as wheelchairs, walkers, etc. Also, it does not discuss how certain diseases are treated in the geriatric population, (senior citizen) that helps them to live a longer life. You could possibly add more information to the 4th paragraph to discuss this more. Whatever you discuss, make sure it fits with life expectancy. For example, how does receiving money annually help a senior citizen live longer?
- FirstlyFirst , as the process of technology has contributed...
- Moreover, current technology allows human beings' ( no need for any punctuation mark on "beings") organs to be transformed from one body to another,which is considerably decreasing the mortality of human beings.
- SecondlySecond , it is true that the affairs related to elderly people are intensively taken into account by the government and the society facing the soaring rate of senior citizens' population. ( punctuation mark on "citizens" is not needed)
- The welfare formulated by the authorities provides practical fundings to elderly people, such as sickness pay or annual subsidy, which is financially assisting them a lot.
- The sound and suitable facilities and qualified staffers with medical knowhow in the nursing home help elders to live a life easierlyas comfortable in this well-prepared place.
- In conclusion, it is clear to see life expectancy is longer thenthan the past.
- Advances in medication, officially welfare in funding andlocallylocal nursing houses are the explanations for this trend.
Pys, your essay is good, however the last sentence is not clear to me. I'm not sure of the point you want to make.
I suggest re-phrasing it.
Make sure that you also proof read it, mind your punctuation marks, linking verbs and your spell check should be on all the time.
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
