Unanswered [2] / Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback /     

'priceless gift of oneself' - People do different things to stay health; IELTS

answers: 3
Oct 20, 2009, 03:54am   #1
Topic: People do different things to stay healthy. What do you do to stay healthy? Use your reasons and examples to support your idea.

People do different things to stay healthy. Personally, I think that three ways to be healthy are to do exercise regularly, eat moderately and relax correctly.
To begin with, doing exercise regularly is very important so as to maintain a healthy condition. If you activate your body regularly, such as doing exercise every early morning or play sport at weekend, you will become both well-built and healthier. All poisonous substances are given out. that will clear your body, strengthen your bone, tone up your muscle and so forth.
Next, a balanced diet is also crucial. in modern life, people have to do lots of things, so they usually run out of energy and work up an appetite at the end of day. Therefore, they need to be supplied the foods that must be both mutritious and balanced to recover and refill energy for a new day. A diet should include high fiber, high protein, lots of vegetable, cut down on fat and keep off smoking and drinking too much.
Finally, you have a correct relax method. Especially, you must sleep at least 8 hours per day and shouldn't stay up late. You should read, sometimes, joke stories; watch comedies or tell jokes with your friends and family because smiling is a dramatic method that help healthier.
To sum up , health is a priceless gift of oneself. As long as you have your health, nothing else matters. For wise people, they always know how to do stay healthy. For me, three indispensale things are to activate the body, eat scientifically and refresh wisely.

I try to write a longer essay as your suggestion. Please correct it for me. Thanks!
Oct 20, 2009, 09:22am   #2
Your essay is well-organized and has some strong evidence.

BUT, what is important is the content, the content is a little bit boring and common. You are just like the coach in the fitness center or the author of those kinds of books...

Maybe you can think about a better idea.

Good luck :)
Oct 20, 2009, 09:33am   #3
Hi, my personal opinion is that you need to try to make you introduction more internesting, add a bit more spice than just a dry thesis.

Is this an essay for college admissions? Its sounds more like an article for a magazine. Try to stay away from generic answers, may be you should try to tell a more personal story involving how you stay healthy.

Next, a balanced diet is also crucial. In modern day, people have to do lots of things, so they usually run out of energy and work up an appetite at the end of day.
Oct 20, 2009, 11:52am   #4
You say right. I'm a pharmacist. That maybe a reason why my essay like a writing on a newspaper. I also think my essay was quite dry and boring. I will try it once again and uplpoad later! Thanks for your advices!

Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓