Good intro. :)
In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.
No one can argue deny the importance to include including health lessons in school programmes, especially at primary level, in the hope of raising the level of people's awareness on health and hygiene.
Thank you Dumi :) That's great. You can always find a better way to write my sentences.
Overall, you write very well. Your grammatical mechanics and vocabularies are good. I really like if you finish writing this into 40 minutes
Thank you eddies for you lovely words, I will try more.
Well, I don't really agree if you put a saying or maxim into your sentence(s). Why? Saying, maxim, etc., can be categorized as memorized phrases in IELTS. You may get penalized for this.
I see. I thought it related to my essay. Next time there will be no maxim :)
I guess that 3 reasons would be more powerful :)
Well Yirunli, I am afraid it would be too long? I have spent nearly 40 mins on this so maybe I will try next time :)