Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


The prediction about the number of cars in use in twenty years from now


Esmeralda 1 / 1  
Aug 10, 2015   #1
In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. -TOEFL Writing Task 2

My Writing skill is poor, and this is my first time using this web to help me improve my writing.
Please check this essay and give me some feebacks so that I can see my weaknesses.
Sincere thanks

When it comes to predict whether there will be fewer or more cars in use, the answer cannot be easily conducted without consideration of economy, society, and technology. Since the petroleum which is harmful to the environment is the main source of power of cars, a large quantity of people argue that there should be a limitation of using cars in daily life. Admittedly, the prevalence of cars contributes to the global warming. Nevertheless modern life cannot be better without taking advantages of cars.

First and foremost, cars process many features that can be easily applied in families and business and can make a great difference. It is not too big in size, like train or plane which needs a large space to park and to operate. Comparatively, cars are more available to individual families and businesses. In addition, cars can transmit a certain number of passengers and cargoes and can provide both drivers and passengers with comfortable seats. So it is not too exaggerate to say that only when a new vehicle with above features is invented, there will be fewer cars in use in twenty years.

Other factor that can ensure the increase the using of cars is urbanization. Throughout humanity's history, developing is an inevitable step to develop which ensure that more roads will be built to reach the "remote" areas. At the meantime, cars as the dominating vehicle on the roads will lead the exchange of city and countryside. With the increasing exchange of trades and person in urbanization more cars are required.

To sum up, cars as the one of the crucial inventions of the world have bring many benefits to the human society. Individual people or organizations employ cars for their daily life and business. And the urbanization of developing countries will definitely enlarge the number of cars in use twenty years later.
BLisa - / 12 6  
Aug 10, 2015   #2
Hi Esmeralda,

It is possible to made many mistakes in the first time making an essay.
My suggestion:

+ you should pay more attention in organizing your essay.
the topic essay is "More cars today than in the past (20 years ago)".
Make sure, your building sentence introduce the topic and give background information about the topic.
In thesis statements presents the essay topic, the writer's position, and the main ideas supporting the position. Unfortunately, your essay hasn't all of the components.

If the thesis statements is clear, you can organize it more easily for body paragraphs.

Happy editing ;)
OP Esmeralda 1 / 1  
Aug 10, 2015   #3
oh! sorry,it's my mistake, I have missed a part of the the topic reqiurment ,the full topic is "do you agree or disagree the statment:In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today."
BLisa - / 12 6  
Aug 10, 2015   #4
Agree and Disagree?

You should choose one (clear and consistent throughout the essay)
for example, if you agree, you should write 2 body paragraphs agree and 1 paragraph disagree or 1 body paragraph for agree (fully explanation and clear example, and the component of the 'agree paragraph' more than 'disagree paragraph').

If possible, add the information from outside source to support the writer's argument effectively.

Happy editing ;)


Home / Writing Feedback / The prediction about the number of cars in use in twenty years from now
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳