madan 1 / 2 Jul 3, 2012 #1Anybody is there to check my essay. I hope i can get band 6.5 for this essay. If i could not please tell me how much band it looks like.It is a hotly debatable issue to be discussed today. Poverty problem may invite various detrimental effects to nation such as robbery, murder as well as strict on road that is why to save nation from those effect government should have to take decision to unemployed and homeless wisely otherwise there is no substitute way to escape from those effect. I have lots of reasons to explain my way of writing.first, people should be busy on their's work to make nation peaceful. If people have no work as well as home to live they have to think about their's future and children. In this critical situation if government can not solve the problem by providing such things which they need there would be arise critical situation. People may involved in robbery to fulfill hand to mouth problem. Their's majority may came to road for strict. That is why before came this situation government should have to take such a division to reduce or remove this problem to make peaceful country.second, if government can provide work those unemployed people on industrial field country can get good improvement on various point of views. First of all country would be a peaceful similarly it can improve far better on industrial world because of having lots of hands to work. similarly, betterment would be arise in people lives. They can spend their's lives without mental disturbance because of having fixed work.All in all, to make peaceful world it is duty of government to provide work and home to citizens. similarly, to develop nation in this modernized era in every field people in country to have work to do.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148 Jul 4, 2012 #2Hi,I think the score of this essay would be less than 6.5 because of the following reasons: 1) Grammar: the essay consists of many grammatical errors. 2) Vocabulary: U did not use strong words. 3) Complex sentences: U tried to use complex sentences, but u did not use suitable structures for them and in most of the cases they were hard to understand; 4) Organization: U did not show the essay is going to discuss what issues. In addition, U did not open the paragraphs with apparent and attractive statements.
OP madan 1 / 2 Jul 4, 2012 #3Thank you Ahmad. Your guideline is always be appropriated to me. thanks a lot. Can you tell how much marks this essay looks like.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148 Jul 4, 2012 #4Can you tell how much marks this essay looks like.I am not an examiner and I can not score your work. Do not think about the score, just work on vocabulary and grammar and I think if you improve them u can get a good mark
peterc 14 / 52 Jul 4, 2012 #5Hi madan,I've read your essay and I'm sorry to say that it is hardly readable because of the grammatical errors. I very much agree on Ahmad's advice on vocabulary and grammar. Work hard and keep up!
gag379 4 / 4 Jul 5, 2012 #7so many grammatical mistakes ,weaker vocabulary and poor organisation. work harder to improve.
