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Persuasive essay - Why you should exercise


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This essay is for my english class. My professor said to write a persuasive essay and make her believe the same way as I do about the subject. I just need someone to proofread it and give some tips on how to make it better. thank for any help in advance. I really appreciate it.
-Randi Adair

Why you should Exercise

Exercising is one of the most important things in life. America's number one killer is heart disease, which can easily be prevented by exercising. More that 1.6 billion people in the world are either overweight or obese and United States has the highest rate of obesity. Exercise not only reduces your risk for health problems and several diseases, but it also has an effect on overall appearance. It's proven that exercising can improve self-esteem and confidence. Excerising has numerous benefits and it can even be fun. It's important you exercise so that you can live a healthier, longer, and happier live.
The number one reason why people should exercise is because it will keep you healthy. Americans are eating enormous amounts of fast foods these days, so heart diseases are becoming more and more common. One out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of heart disease, which results in more than forty-five percent of deaths annually. The main cause of this condition is obesity. The more body fat that you have, the greater your risk for heart disease. However, this condition can easily be prevented or controlled by exercising. Exercising makes the heart muscles stronger. When your heart muscle is strong it can do the same amount of work at a lower heart rate, so the heart doesn't have to work as hard. In today's society people are less concerned with the food they and the condition that their body is in, so many serious illnesses are becoming quite common. Exercising not only helps prevent heart diseases, but it also helps prevent strokes, type 2 diabetes, and even certain types of cancer.
The second benefit to exercising is that it improves self-esteem and confidence. Most people think of exercising as only being a physical activity, but it's also a mental activity. There have been studies that show evidence that people who exercise have higher self esteem and confidence. It also showed that active people are less likely to have depression and anxiety. Exercising gives people energy, which helps people have positive outlooks on life and it helps relieves tension and stress. When you exercise you body releases endorphins, which are chemicals that create a happy feeling in brain. Plus, when you're exercising you're bringing more oxygen into you lungs and your brain appreciates the extra air. Exercising also helps improve you brain function and your memory.
In my opinion the best reason to exercise is that it's really fun! Most people think that exercising takes up a lot of time and it requires too much work. When people actually take the time to try exercising they realize it's an enjoyable experience. It doesn't matter how you exercise, as long as you are being active. Everyone enjoys different sports or activities, so it's important to figure out which is best for you. When you having fun you don't even realize that your exercising and you look forward to it everyday. Setting goals and rewards will help you stay motivated and consistent with exercising. There is no greater feeling than achieving a weight lose goal and being able to feel good about your body. It makes exercising well worth it.
In conclusion, exercising is the key to making your life healthier, longer, and happier. It is one of the most important things in life and it's one hundred percent beneficial. Many people come up with plenty of excuses to not exercise; however, if you truly want to improve your mental and physical health you will find the energy and time to exercise. Everyone should take time out of their days to exercise, so they can improve their lives in many ways. So next time you are deciding whether or not to exercise just think of the benefits you will experience from it. It is extremely rewarding and worthwhile.

Jun 26, 2012, 10:59pm   #2
Hi,
Exercising is one of the most important things in life (If you want to get a good score you should start the introduction with a more interesting sentence. This sentence sounds cliche. You can start the essay with an attractive statistic, for example the number or the percentage of obese children in the world or your country, and then connect it to sport activity. ). America's number one killer is heart disease ("cardiovascular diseases" is a better choice in this context), which can easily be prevented by exercising. More that 1.6 billion people in the world are either overweight or obese and United States has the highest rate of obesity (It would be better to start the essay with this sentence). Exercise not only reduces your the risk for of health problems and several various diseases, but it also has an effect on overall appearance. It's (do not use contraction) proven that exercising (use synonym such as "sport activities") can improve self-esteem and confidence (how???). Exercising has numerous benefits (what types of benefits???) and it can even be fun. It's (contraction!!!) a crucial element for living important you exercise so that you can live a healthier, longer, and happier live (I think this last sentence should be revised. Make it more attractive, and with a better structure).

Regards
Ahmad
Jun 26, 2012, 11:00pm   #3
radair1014222:
Exercising is one of the most important things in life.

say why it is important. E.g. Exercising is one of the most important things in life for one to lead a healthy life.

radair1014222:
and United States

the United States

It's important you exercise so that you can live a healthier, longer, and happier live. life.

radair1014222:
The main cause of for this condition is obesity.


so the heart doesn't have to work as hard as it does with weak muscles. In today's society people are less concerned with the food they [font#FF0000]eat and their physical condition that their body is in[/s[s]], so many serious illnesses are becoming quite common. causes both serious physical and mental deseases. [/font].
I tried to fix the problems yall pointed out! Thanks so much for the help! I really appreciate it! Here is the essay with the fixed problems. Please let me know if yall see anymore problems.


Why you should Exercise
More that 1.6 billion people in the world are either overweight or obese and United States has the highest rate of obesity. America's number one killer is cardiovascular diseases, which can easily be prevented by exercising. Exercise not only reduces the risk of health problems and various diseases, but it also has an effect on overall appearance. It is proven that exercising and being active can improve self-esteem and confidence. Excerising is one of the most important things in life and it can even be fun. It is a crucial element for living a healthier, longer, and happier life.
The number one reason why people should exercise is because it will keep you healthy. Americans are eating enormous amounts of fast foods these days, so cardiovascular diseases are becoming more and more common. One out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of cardiovascular diseases, which results in more than forty-five percent of deaths annually. The main cause for this condition is obesity. The more body fat that you have, the greater your risk for heart disease. However, this condition can easily be prevented or controlled by exercising. Exercising makes the heart muscles stronger. When your heart muscle is strong it can do the same amount of work at a lower heart rate, so the heart doesn't have to work as hard as it does with weak muscles. In today's society people are less concerned with the food they eat and their physical condition, so many serious illnesses are becoming quite common. Exercising not only helps prevent cardiovascular diseases, but it also helps prevent strokes, type 2 diabetes, and even certain types of cancer.
The second benefit to exercising is that it improves self-esteem and confidence. Most people think of exercising as only being a physical activity, but it's also a mental activity. There have been studies that show evidence that people who exercise have higher self esteem and confidence. It also showed that active people are less likely to have depression and anxiety. Exercising gives people energy, which helps people have positive outlooks on life and it helps relieves tension and stress. When you exercise you body releases endorphins, which are chemicals that create a happy feeling in brain. Plus, when you're exercising you're bringing more oxygen into you lungs and your brain appreciates the extra air. Exercising also helps improve you brain function and your memory.
In my opinion the best reason to exercise is that it's really fun! Most people think that exercising takes up a lot of time and it requires too much work. When people actually take the time to try exercising they realize it's an enjoyable experience. It doesn't matter how you exercise, as long as you are being active. Everyone enjoys different sports or activities, so it's important to figure out which is best for you. When you having fun you don't even realize that your exercising and you look forward to it everyday. Setting goals and rewards will help you stay motivated and consistent with exercising. There is no greater feeling than achieving a weight lose goal and being able to feel good about your body. It makes exercising well worth it.
In conclusion, exercising is the key to making your life healthier, longer, and happier. It is one of the most important things in life and it's one hundred percent beneficial. Many people come up with plenty of excuses to not exercise; however, if you truly want to improve your mental and physical health you will find the energy and time to exercise. Everyone should take time out of their days to exercise, so they can improve their lives in many ways. So next time you are deciding whether or not to exercise just think of the benefits you will experience from it. It is extremely rewarding and worthwhile.
Jun 27, 2012, 12:22am   #5
More than (not that) 1.6 billion....


" it's proven that exercising can improve self-esteem and confidence" THIS IS TOO WEAK FOR A PERSUASIVE ESSAY. Citation would hit it harder. Try citing, to convince your prof.


PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AT MY ESSAY..
Jun 27, 2012, 12:41am   #6
More that 1.6 billion people in the world are either overweight or obese and the United States has the highest rate of obesity. America's number one killers is are cardiovascular diseases (Diseases is a plural word so u need to write "killer" in a plural form), which can easily be prevented by exercising. Exercise not only reduces the risk of health problems and various diseases, but it also has an effect on overall appearance. It is proven that exercising and being active can improve self-esteem and confidence. Excerising (check spelling!!) is one of the most important imperative things in life and it can even be fun. It is a crucial element for living having a healthier, longer, and happier life (Suggestion :"It is a crucial element which may guarantee an individual a happier, longer, and healthier life").

The number one first reason why people should exercise (use synonym) is because it will keep you them ("them" refers to "people") healthy (topic sentence should be more attractive). Americans are eating enormous amounts of fast foods these days, so cardiovascular diseases, such as ....., are becoming more and more common among them. One out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of cardiovascular diseases (Do not repeat this term.), which results in more than forty-five percent of deaths annually. The main cause for of this condition is obesity, and for this reason obesity is called "silent murderer". The more body fat that you a person has have, the greater your risk for heart disease , may increase the risk of heart attack. However, this condition can easily be prevented or controlled by exercising. Exercising makes the heart muscles stronger. When your heart muscle is strong enough it can do the same amount of work at a lower heart rate, so the heart doesn't (do not use contraction) have to work as hard as it does with weak muscles. In today's society people are less concerned with the food they eat and their physical condition, so (use another word instead of "so", such as "therefore", "thus", "consequently", "subsequently") many serious illnesses are becoming quite common. Exercising not only helps prevent (use synonym) cardiovascular diseases, but it also helps prevent (repetition) strokes, type 2 diabetes, and even certain types of cancer (Each paragraph needs a conclusion through which you should reword the topic sentence).

The second benefit to exercising is that it the improvement in self-esteem and confidence. Most people think of exercising as only being a physical activity, but it's (avoid the use of contractions) also a mental activity. There have been Some recent studies that show revealed evidence that people who exercise regularly, have higher self esteem and confidence. It They ("They" refers to "Studies") also showed that active people are less likely to have depression and anxiety. Exercising gives people energy, which helps people have to positively outlooks on life look at the world and it helps (Synonym!!!) relieves tension and stress. When you exercise your body releases endorphins, which are chemicals that create a happy feeling in brain. Plus Moreover, when you're during exercising you're bringing more oxygen is brought into you lungs and your brain appreciates the extra air. Exercising also helps improve you brain function and your memory (How???) (This paragraph also needs a conclusion)
.
In my opinion the best reason to exercise is that it's really fun (The structures of the topic sentences in this essay are the same. U should use various structures to make it attractive)! Most people think that exercising takes up a lot of time and it requires too much work. When people actually take the time to try exercising they realize it's an enjoyable experience. It doesn't matter how you exercise, as long as you are being active. Everyone enjoys different sports or activities, so it's important to figure out which is the best for you. When you having fun you don't even realize that your exercising and you look forward to it everyday. Setting goals and rewards will help you stay motivated and consistent with exercising. There is no greater feeling than achieving a weight lose goal and being able to feel good about your body. It makes exercising well worth it.
In conclusion, exercising is the key to making your life healthier, longer, and happier (u used this sentence in the introduction, reword it). It is one of the most important (repetition!!! instead of the word "important", u can use other appropriate words such as "imperative", "crucial", "critical", "significant", and the like) things in life and it's one hundred percent beneficial. Many people come up with plenty of excuses to not exercise; however, if you truly want to improve your mental and physical health you will find the energy and time to exercise. Everyone should take time out of their days to exercise, so they can improve their lives in many ways. So next time you are deciding whether or not to exercise just think of the benefits you will experience from it. It is extremely rewarding and worthwhile.

Hope the comments be useful

Regards
Ahmad



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