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TOEFL Essay,"A person should never make an important decision alone"


ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 24, 2012   #1
Hi,

A short TOEFL essay. Please correct me and help me by suggesting some more examples.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answers.


Decision making is a very difficult task whether that is in our professional life or in personal life. We have to think every point of view to make a right decision. Decision making is depends on the situations. Some important decisions in our life should always be taken after discussing with our parents or closed ones. This will helps us to take a correct decision.

To begin with my first reason for this opinion, decision made after discussing with our closed ones or parents broaden our areas to think. This will help us to find pros and cons. For example, if in our office, we are working in one project as a team, then in such situation, we have to consider everyone's point of view to make a correct decision which will help us to perform well. So, discussion before taking any important decision can help us save us from taking wrong decision.

On the other hand, some decisions in our life, we have to take it alone. For example, decision of getting married with someone, this decision should be made alone. The person who wants to get marry is the one who can better decide about this than others.

Finally, it is depends on situations. Sometimes we have to take our decision alone and sometimes we have to discuss it with whom we trust. Many times, decision made alone can be considered as poor or wrong. So, where ever it is necessary, we should try not to take our decision alone because that can help us to take a correct decision.

Thanks,
Ana.
frozener 1 / 4  
Jul 24, 2012   #2
Decision making is depends on the situations should be making decisions
The essay is good, but in my opinion it lacks vocabulary. Some words are repeated several times.
Try to use more advanced language and more phrases.
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 26, 2012   #3
Thanks Frozener.

Yeah, my vocabulary is very weak and that is the reason of repetition. I am working on it, will try to avoid the repetitions.

Thank you so much for you feedback.

Ana.


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