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Toefl"A person you know is planning to move to your town. What do you think..


answers: 4
Nov 17, 2009, 03:16pm   #1
Hi I am preparing for toefl. Please help me with the writing section.
Thanks.

A person you know is planning to move to your town. What do you think that person would like and dislike about your city.

I am very excited to learn that one of my childhood friend is planning to move to my city Indore. Having known her for past ten years I can enumerate few things which she would like and dislike about my city.

Being a career oriented in nature. My friend would prefer to live here. Indore has numerous colleges that provide variety of career option to students. Each college is highly reputed and provide the best education facilities to the students. Graduate students from these institute were highly in demand in the multinational companies. My friend is highly interested in getting higher education and proper job for her future. Therefore, she would like this place for her career opportunities.

Another exciting thing about my city is its Climate. Indore has warm climate through out the year. My friend would be more comfortable here. She like outdoor activities a lot. In my city she can continue with her all activities, such as sports, hanging out friends and so on around the year. Furthermore, she do not have to check for the weather before making any plan. Thus, this place would be best suitable for the one 's interested in outdoor activities as well as in making career.

However, in spite of all this facilities, Indore has some features that might upset my friend. This city do not have proper transportation system. The bus services are not at proper scheduling and make any person unable to reach on time. Moreover, overcrowded transportation sometimes result in stressed travelling hours. Poor transportation services encourages more people to use their own vechile, which causes traffic congestion, air and noise pollution. Thus, I hope that my friend may get adjusted with such traffic and transportation problem.

To sum up, my friend would take advantage of education facilities and good weather but she has also overcome with the traffic and transportation problems in my city.
Nov 17, 2009, 03:56pm   #3
..my city, Indore.
Having known her for past ten years, I can enumerate ...
Being a career oriented in nature, my friend would prefer ...
"reputed and provide" should be reputed and provided
Indore, has numerous
vechile vehicle
...My friend would be more comfortable here since she likes outdoor activities a lot. Here, in my city, she can continue with --or doing--all her her all activities, such as sports, hanging out friends and so on around the year.
Nov 17, 2009, 07:37pm   #4
Thanks bilal ABUZENAH,
Thanks margarita ,
for your suggestions.

please can i have moderator opinion on this essay.
The beginning is great! It is actually quite interesting at the start, because I think it is intriguing that you are considering what she will like and dislike. It shows that you are thoughtful.

I was very excited to learn that one of my childhood friends is planning to move to my city, Indore.

This has to be one sentence, not two:
Being a career oriented in nature. My friend would prefer to live here.
Being a career oriented in nature, my friend would prefer to live here.

It is just like if I said this:
Working as tutor for EssayForum, Kevin spends a lot of time at the computer.
It is a very nice way to structure a sentence, but you have to use a comma:
Being a meditation practitioner with many years of experience, Dr. Yang, Jwing-Ming is able to go very deep into the moment.



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