Basically describe a person just from observation, and this is what I came up with. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance
They say you never forget the first person you laid your eyes on. I was traveling on the transit system, and people came in an array of shapes, sizes, colors and social statuses. Among the many passengers on board, while entirely subjective, one in particular intrigued me. It was the first time I encountered an ambiguous gender. I would ask myself... Is this a woman...? Or a man perhaps...? This person looked neutral. I felt awkward not knowing if the person was male or female, or if this person even identifies with the gender binary.
It was late in the evening. I was sitting on the rear corner of the train. The person took an available seat across from me. This person was young (late 20's early 30's?), tall (5'9-6'1), broad shoulder, slender build and pale, possibly a model even. The person had a wide forehead, pointy chin, thin eyebrows, narrow lips, long nose, and large round deep baby blue eyes. The hair was evenly lengthy, golden and styled in a topknot ponytail.
With every passing stop the car got more vacant, so most poses were interpreted. The person clearly exuded confident body language. The person sat tall with certitude, legs crossed and exhibited strong posture. This person had quite a sensible fashion choice. The person worn a plain loose white cotton t-shirt, tight dark blue faded jeans and was bare foot in shiny black leather moccasin shoes. This person was all natural, no makeup, no handbag or accessories and completely scent-free. Much of the time this person sat gazing the posters walls, hardly making eye contact with anyone.
I can see this person modeling for a brand, dancing, painting, photographing or doing something in the filmmaking business. This person's name could be Riza, Ana, Ceasar or even Monalisa. In five-ten years from now, I can foresee this person having quite an exciting nomadic lifestyle, and meeting all different kinds of people from all different parts of the world.
People are ubiquitous around the globe. Sarah McLachlan once said, " I'll talk to any stranger about everything. I'm not guarded" So I encourage you to take a leap of faith and show them some hospitality, and you shall be surprise with whom you meet. That person is probably a hero of his own life story and the love of someone's life. It all starts with a curiosity.
They say you never forget the first person you laid your eyes on.
... Well, I have some confusion with regard to the logic of this sentence. When you say the first person you laid your eyes on, it gives kind of feeling that you are talking about your first memory of seeing a person. I doubt any of us can remember whom we saw first. I wish you rephrased this line to give a better idea of what you really mean. As it is, this can get the reader a bit confused.
Topic: Find an interesting stranger and describe this person in great detail. 3 pages double spaced.
Here's my revision. Obviously it's not 3 pages. Is there anything else I can expand on?
It was rush hour, around 6'o clock in the evening to be exact, the time when people are just getting off from work. I was on the metro heading home. Waiting for the next arriving train was brutal. After letting two car pass because of congestion, I was finally able to get on the next available train. I took a seat at the rear end of the car. As the train made a halt at every passing station, I could see passengers eagerly ready to board the crowded car. As the doors unfastened, I can see this hasty person securing an empty seat. I couldn't for the life of me make clear of the gender, so I am just going to refer to this being "the person". This person could be described as young (late 20's early 30's?), tall (5'9-6'1), broad shoulder, undeveloped breast, slender build and pale, possibly a model even. The person had a wide forehead, pointy chin, thin eyebrows, narrow lips, long nose, and large round deep baby blue eyes. The hair was evenly lengthy, golden and styled in a topknot ponytail.
With every passing stop the car got more vacant, so most poses were interpreted. The person clearly exuded confident body language. The person sat tall with certitude, legs crossed and exhibited strong posture. This person looked to have a craze for fashion. The person worn a plain loose white cotton t-shirt, tight dark blue faded jeans and was bare foot in shiny black leather moccasin shoes. Much of the time this person sat gazing the posters walls, hardly making eye contact with anyone.
I could see this person modeling for a clothing brand, dancing on a performing stage, painting to express imagination & beauty, photographing for memories or doing something in the filmmaking business. This person's name could be Riza, Ana, Alexandro/dra, Edmond, Emma, Ceasar, Monalisa. In five-ten years from now, I can predict this person having quite an exciting nomadic lifestyle, and meeting all different kinds of people from all different parts of the world. I can see paris being her home since it fits her fashionista character the best. I can envision her taking a trip to the beautiful country of india, taking beautiful photographs of the area, dancing with little children and filming a documentary about the dissimilar way of life.
As this person hurriedly hoist her handbag into the calm air, and prepared to exit the car, I could see passengers teeter on the verge of collapse. That was the last I saw of this compelling person.
