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'people have to work and experience new things' - When people succeed


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Sep 26, 2011, 12:10pm   #1
TOEFL - ''When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.''Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above?

There is no doubt that people can reach to their desire and aim by hard working, but I believe sometimes there is something ales that interfere to people's success. There are some sign of them that can prove them.

To begin with, we can see a lot of students in schools and universities that are always studying hardly and they spend most of their time on reading also some of them occupy their spare time with studying, too. In spite of these efforts, when we see the result of exams there are some students that have grate mark toward the students than have extensive reading, and while you are talking to them they say we took our exams with chance and we even did not open our textbook just for second and they call themselves lucky.

What is more, there are a large number of scientists and inventors during the history. Most of them wrote on their books that although they had strove a lot and they devote all their lives, they reach to their invention by chance, therefore luck play a great role on people achievements.

In conclusion, people have to work and experience new things to achieve the things that they want such as goal, desire, demand. Yet sometimes something
happens in people's life that shows luck can play a great roll in achievements.

Sep 26, 2011, 12:39pm   #2
Hi. I agree with your ideas,But there is one line that I do not understand ,Perhaps you could change the structure .

when we see the result of exams there are some students that have grate mark toward the students than have extensive reading,

In fact ,You are better than me .Good luck
Hi, I read part of your essay and did some correction, I hope you don't mind. If you find my correction helpful, then I'll re-word the rest.

↓↓↓↓↓↓ Here's the first half of your original 2nd paragraph.↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
To begin with, we can see a lot of students in schools and universities (students and schools and universities? Here's little advice. I won't use structure like this. Basically, their meaning is similar.) that are always studying hardly hard and they spend most of their time on reading also some of them occupy their spare time with studying, too. (<< sorry, I do not quite understand this paragraph. A little bit wordiness, maybe with punctuation would be better.)

↓↓↓↓↓↓ Here's the re-wording.↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
There is no doubt that people can achieve their goals and aspirations by hard working, yet I believe sometimes there is something else that hindered from getting succeeded. There are some signs can prove it.

To begin with, we can see many students spend lots of time studying and doing their research even after school, which causes the mass of their spare time been occupied.



Here's another thing, I don't know whether the rules of IELTS is the same as TOFEL or not. Cause, it is discouraged to use Personal Pronoun in your essay. An academic essay better presented as objective instead of subjective, therefore, it is discouraged to use "we can see many students....", you can use "It is acknowledged that many students....."



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