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[IELTS]Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged


answers: 6
Apr 23, 2010, 01:45am   #
Dear all,
I have an essay for the below topic. Please help me to review and correct it.
Thank you very much for your help. it's my first time.
Topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My Essay:
It is believe that all children are born with equal capabilities but their way of learning and how they are taught makes difference in the end. Children's having competitive skills is a good aspect but they must know how to co-operate.
These skills mostly depend upon their initial training either by their parents or in the school. Children possessing only competitive skill make them a good learner. Most of the time they are very ambitious about two thing, one is academics and other is their career, they try to be excellent in them in many ways. Every time they win, it makes them more confident and energetic to work hard. Competitively also make them to be creative, but if it's not guided properly then it has reversal effect on children. They will lack confidence, always have feared to lose, very selfish and will not be able to play their role in community properly.
On the other hand, being co-operative is much more fun. Co-operative means share, people who have this skill are good organizer and play a vital role as a team player. On lot of occasions they can overcome their weakness by collaborating with others. They definitely reach their goal as teamwork.
To conclude, any of these abilities are created for a purpose. Children must be set free to create their own abilities according to their potential but they must be taught to have balance between competitiveness and co-operation.

Apr 23, 2010, 05:30am   #
The education of the children should not only be focused on competition as they would become automatons of the society.The education of the children should enable them to be all-rounders.they should not be only academic oriented but they should also be able to live in society as human beings,that is with feelings! in other words,the sense of competition does not allow humans to be friends but rivals at all levels.
Apr 24, 2010, 02:57pm   #
It is believed....their ways of learning and how they are taught makes difference in the end

Children's having competitive skills is a good aspect but they must know how to co-operate. - Although possession of competetive scills is a good aspect, childrens must know how to cooperate.

Children possessing only competitive skills make them a become good learners. Most of the time they are very ambitious about two thing: one is academics and other is their career. They try to be excellent in them in many ways. Every time they win, it makes them more confident and energetic and encourages to work hard. Competitiveness also make them to be creative, but if it's not guided properly then it has reversal effect on children. They will lack confidence, always will fear to lose, may become selfish and will not be able to play their roles in community properly.

On the other hand, being co-operative is much more funnier. To co-operate means to share; people who have this skill are good organizers and play a vital role as a team player working in a team. On a lot of occasions they can overcome their weakness by collaborating with others. They definitely reach their goals as in teamwork.

To conclude, any of these abilities are created for a purpose. Children must be set free to create their own abilities according to their potential but they must be taught to have balance between competitiveness and co-operation. - ending is the best part of your essay.
It is believed that all children are born with ...
I think you should add one more sentence to that first paragraph. Write a sentence in the middle of that paragraph to help the reader know exactly what you are saying in this essay.

Children possessing only competitive skill can be good learners. Most of the time they are very ambitious about two things; one is academics and other is their career. They try to be excellent in them in many ways. Every time they win, it makes them...

They definitely reach their goal by using teamwork.

To conclude, any all of these abilities are created for a purpose. Children must be set free to create their own abilities according to their potential, but they must be taught to have balance between competitiveness and cooperation.

:-)



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