TOEFL:How should people spend money? Personal Enjoyment or Fulfilling Duties?

Topic:
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do.
Answer:
Most people always have an inclination to run away from the burden of life.Moreover,they spend time on their own personal enjoyment rather than doing duties that they should do.I believe some reasons that retreat them to do so.First,in fact they do not like the professional career in which they belong.Secondly,they rely more on social networking sites and slowly they might get addicted to it.

Most people in today's life who are working in corporate companies in fact affected with hectic work they are dealing with and so they actually don't like their work.This lead to them to rely on their personal enjoyment and become more lethargic in their work.Some people find difficult to cope with the environment in which they are working.Some of them find difficult to adjust with coworkers.So they try to hideout from real facts by doing things which they actually always like to do.

Secondly.people spend more time on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter etc.They actually wasting their valuable time by sitting idle in it.In fact posts by our friends make us feel worse about our own lives. This is due to the fact that we naturally compare ourselves to our peers. If the people around us are posting happy, significant life accomplishments (which happens every day, if you have a lot of friends), then we feel worse about our lack of having anything good to report and finally get depressed.

Finally,new technologies in mobile and electronic field always amuse people and they intend to buy it.This lead to wasting their time on it by playing games and chatting with friends.Most of the people now have smart phone and they carry it wherever they go and use it for browsing their favorite websites.

To wrap it up, in my point of view, pressure of civilized world and accessibility of entertainments, also personal tendency lead to people spend much time to entertainment in compare with the past.

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... I think "burden" is not the most appropriate word for this idea. I prefer a word like "responsibilities" or "problems".


Without having your full prompt it is difficult to find the alignment of your writing with it. Make sure you post the prompt in full for your next essay. If the prompt asks for your opinion on this argument, then your introduction should be slightly different.

This essay should focus on the consequences of people "spend[ing] too much time on personal enjoyment."

In other words, you need to tell me what's wrong with this.

Give some reasons and elaborate on each.