Unanswered [0] / Featured [2] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

TOEFL; Nowadays, people put too much emphasis on personal appearances and fashions


answers: 2
Feb 18, 2013, 11:02pm   #
Prompt: Nowadays, people put too much emphasis on personal appearances and fashions.

Nowadays, many people hide themselves with unpleasant masks, covering their true, pure looks. In order to absorb into the society, the appearance has become a contributing factor among population. Why do people place so much emphasis on personal appearances? In my opinion, people’s focus on appearances is primarily due to media, technology, and discrimination.
Admiring the celebrities or models seen from TV or magazines would make people put more efforts into their physical looking. With those celebrities exposed to the public people, many would be crazy to resemble what they look like, leading to focus more made on the appearance itself. A few years ago, for example, my sister had no interests in decorating her body; however, when she started walking into the world of media last month, she became aware of her appearance. Wearing showy costume with thick make ups, her appearance and even existence was hypocrisy to me. Following the transformation, she was a totally different person. Looking at her made me realize that the media, an easily accessible world, is adulterating many people, making them hide their true appearances. Media therefore definitely is a contributing factor motivating the common people to put more emphasis on personal appearance.

In addition to media’s contribution to the beauty, improved medical technology has also played a huge role in making people become more decorative. What this means is that the cosmetic surgery, dermatology, and other aesthetical treatments have successfully absorbed into the society, alluring more people to cover themselves with fakeness. When my mother went to a high school reunion, many of her friends looked very different from the times when she was in high school. With the stabilized and trusted cosmetic surgery procedure made, many of her friends did not hesitate to invest a huge amount of money on their looks. My mother was unfortunately enthralled by such news, making an appointment in the hospital to take away her wrinkles. Strongly disagreeing with such absurd idea, I persuaded and explained her about the possible danger of such action taken. She, however, finally accepted the surgery, covering her up with more unpleasant, nasty masks. Looking at her face made me realize that improvement of such medical technology in this regard made people shield themselves with layers and layers of those masks.

Finally, discriminating the people based on their appearance has stimulated people to be more engaged with the acts of decorating. If your appearance is unacceptable as a norm in society, you will also not be accepted. My uncle Joe, for instance, has very extraordinary face, always receiving disgusted glances from the society. For many years, he was not able to get a decent job and live normally, only going out when the streets are empty. Owing to such reaction made from the society, he set foot on the world of cosmetic surgery. Following the operation, he was easily accumulated into the community and eventually was able to lead an ordinary life. Considering my uncle’s case, I realized that people, only looking the outer layer of a person, can discriminate and reject anyone if one is different or peculiar. Such discriminating has made people engage with cosmetic activities, thus making them hide their true self.

As I have illustrated above, placing too much emphasis on personal appearances or fashions has become very natural to us. The typical reasons include openly broadcasted media, improved cosmetic medical technology, and discrimination upon appearance. If you want to lead an ordinary life, integrating with others, you should have a socially acceptable appearance. Doing so will definitely help you to establish closer relationships among community; however, is that really what you want to do even covering and hiding your true self with fake masks?

Feb 19, 2013, 12:17am   #
begin06:
Nowadays, many people hide themselves with unpleasant masks, covering their true, pure looks.

Hiding themselves by wearing masks can be unpleasant. But, they wear pleasant masks for that purpose :D ......... Hope you got my point :)
begin06:
In order to absorb into the society, the appearance has become a contributing factor among population.

Sounds a little confusing. You need to keep the alignment with the topic always....... This is what I suggest;
Nowadays, people pay too much attention on their appearance because it contributes a lot for having them accepted by the society.
begin06:
In my opinion, people’s focus on appearances is primarily due to media, technology, and discrimination.

In my opinion, this trend is influenced by several reasons such as the role played by media, technological advancement and discriminatory feelings.
begin06:
Admiring the celebrities or models seen from TV or magazines would make people put more efforts into their physical looking.

People have the tendency to follow the fasions demonstrated by the celebrities.
Feb 19, 2013, 08:43am   #
I think you have to work on your spelling " ....a norm in society ."
Well it a "NORMAL in society."
But your essay is quite good. It almost personal



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓