Good start in the intro
One of these several ways of learning that I prefer is doing things by my self rather than learning by reading about things or learning by listening to people talking about .
However, this sentence was quite a run-on. Ask yourself what you were trying to say. Then make it somewhat shorter. Something like: Of these many choices, I prefer to do things by myself* (one word) rather than read or listen about them. Yet, the "things" is still ambiguous. What do you mean? That in everything you do? in what you try to do? for hands-on activities?
There are a lot of reasons to recommend this method for who is serious about learning some thing in their lives.
Here you write as if you are trying to persuade someone. Maybe another transition? Or use that last part "serious about learning something" about why you enjoy/prefer doing things by yourself, and explain why in the following paragraphs.
When you do things by your self, you learn to depend on yourself. You will not be in need to refer to books or persons.
I see. this is clear. Try, however, to use first person. 'When I do things by myself, I learn to depend on my own abilities. I do not need to refer to...' This makes the essay stronger and more personal. I'll just mention this here, but elsewhere too, make it a personal essay.
would strong our maturity
, or even a situation.
what did you want to say here? Good point though. I like it
to the swimpool and laid themselfelves in the water
Another interesting example. 'swimming* pool and place* (better word) themselves* in the water' ...what swimming is*
Nor listening to people or reading about can teach them swimming.
So still no real definition of what you mean by 'doing things,' but I guess it depends what those things are.
Leaning by doing things gives us more and more pleasure especially if we success in learning perfectly this things.
Just a question: how do you learn perfectly without someone or something to teach you? Maybe for some things, but for others this doesn't really work. Yet, you do make the point of "if we succeed* in learning" these things...there is pleasure. That is true I guess.
So we become motivated to learn other things by doing them.
true, but if you wanted to use 'success,' you can use it here. Success motivates us to learn to do other things and 'challenge ourselves to do more.'
Should be a new paragraph:
The hHistory shows that learning by doing things is the best way and the best method to learn things. People should not depend only on reading or listening to people talking about things to learn. They should try and keep trying until they learn what they want to learn.
way= method (synonyms) I like the "should not depend ONLY" it shows that you don't reject them entirely. Good ending statement too.
Things to focus on: make it personal because the prompt asks about YOU!
use, if possible, more in depth examples, but what you have are also good.
lastly, try to make sure you don't use "thing" as much because it is a vague or ambiguous word.
Overall, well written. Good luck with your test!