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'People are envy'; advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need


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hi all this is my 4th essay in here.i appreciate your feedback.
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There is no doubt that advertisements play a big role in selling products. In fact,facing them in inevitable and every day
we are spending so much time watching or reading advertisements that we may not even need. Experts believes that the amount time of advertisement should be controlled in some ways otherwise the people's income spend on equipment that they do not need. Here are some reasons.
In 21st century people are getting more and more envy of each other and become consumer rather than producer or saver. People are trying so hard to fulfill some needs that may no count as their basis needs. For example,nowadays it is very common in western countries that students in their summer time working so hard in order to affording new IPHONE or new computer. Because,they want to have something that their classmate possess. This trend even more significant in adults and a lot of housewives force their husbands to purchase equipment that they saw in Tv.
Companies try to make u believe that with possessions you will live happily ever after. Which is a wrong point of view. Neglecting emotions and sentiments is widespread in advertisements. As a result.people pay more attention to possessions than sentiments which will have substantial horrible impact on their life. For instance, the rate of attempting suicide is rising dramatically and sciences think it is because of a modern world.
However,advertising has its own good and in some ways it helps people in their basic needs. Lot of people informed about a solution to their basic needs by advertisements.competitive market and better quality facilities and equipments are also another benefits of advertising.
In conclusion, i would like to concede that the disadvantages of advertising outweigh its advantage. But if there is control on the amount of advertisements it may show its benefits in a better way.

Jul 23, 2011, 11:59pm   #2
Experts believes-> Experts believe
the people's income spend on equipment-> the people's income is spent on equipment
In 21st century people are getting more and more envy of each other and become consumer rather than producer or saver
->In 21st century people are getting more and more envy of each other and become consumers rather than producers or savers
This is my advice about your essay.
Jul 24, 2011, 12:37am   #3
Hi there, here are some of my views

Experts believe
s that the
amount time (the amount of time) of advertisement should be controlled in some ways otherwise the people's income spend on equipment that they do not need. (otherwise people will waste too much their income on purchasing what they do not really need for their lives.)
Jul 24, 2011, 02:21am   #5
Let's pay attention to the structure. i think your aim is to write an academic writing for toefl or ielts so you should concentrate on the structure first. An essay has an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. The introductory paragraph must has a thesis statement and supporting details, which you deeply discuss in the body. The body has 2-3 paragraphs, each of which focuses on one supporting detail mentioned above and has a topic sentence. In conclusion, you should restate your main ideas.
I think you should follow this structure when you write :d
Experts believes believe that the amount time of advertisement should be controlled in some ways, because otherwise the people's income will be spent on merchandise that they do not need. Here are some reasons.

In order to have good structure, you need one big message that serves as the foundation for the structure. What is your message? I think you should write your message, your main idea, in a sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

Then, the first sentence of every paragraph can show that your main idea is true.

In 21st century people are getting more and more envious of each other and becoming consumers rather than producers or savers.---I made several changes here.

:-)



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