Well, I am preparing for the SAT. Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks !!
Thanks in advance!
Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Reality television programs, which feature real people engaged in real activities rather than professional actors performing scripted scenes, are increasingly popular. These shows depict ordinary people competing in everything from singing and dancing to losing weight, or just living their everyday lives. Most people believe that the reality these shows portray is authentic, but they are being misled. How authentic can these shows be when producers design challenges for the participants and then editors alter filmed scenes?
Assignment:
Do people benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called reality,or are such forms of entertainment harmful? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Essay :
There's no doubt for experts, psychologists and even producer that TV reality shows are the marks of Low Culture. Judging from American reality shows, I can affirm that these shows generates stereotypes, encourage a type of unsafe behavior and falsify truths.
Jersey Shore (U.S. TV show) is a well known program featuring contestants who live, eat, drink and party all together in a shore in New Jersey coast. These popular show breed misconception, bias and prejudices across the nation. In fact, the use of the term "guido/guidette", a slang referring to urban working class Italian-Americans, is a stab to America's tolerance and diversity. This show offends, attack and disdains a notable minority through comments, jokes and by calling names. It's all in order to attract masses and earn a higher rating. These stereotypes, widely tolerated in the program, are disgraceful and have a negative influence, especially on youth. By watching this show, Could they have a blue-sky thinking and an open-mind? How could these stereotypes enhance their understanding to reality? What image is painted in their minds about minorities? Ultimately, policymakers and authorities should question at what extent America could preserve its cultural harmony, while such reality shows are aired on national TVs.
Again I can point to TV reality programs charged to "discover" young artistic talents as The X-Factor series, American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. In fact, these shows falsify facts and generate illusions. They make youth envision success, fame and glory as easy to acquire. They make young people believe that they could be stars of Pop just by participating in a show. Besides, fame enjoyed by some in these shows is fake and momentary. Unfortunately, they are not aware of reality and ignore the fact that it's critical for a young talent to struggle, work hard and persist in order to be famous. In a word, art reality shows portray a soft, easy and a highway to success just to gain more money from ads and sponsors and raise the number of audience. Finally, a real artist is not born over night. He is the fruit of practice and perseverance.
Therefore, "reality" is a misnomer. These shows of low culture target masses to desire of easy stardom and glory with little or no reference to what life is really about. To go further, some reality shows threaten social diversity and disdain differences.
There's no doubt for experts, psychologists and even producer that TV reality shows are the marks of Low Culture. Judging from American reality shows, I can affirm that these shows generatesgenerate stereotypes, encourage a type of unsafe behavior and falsify truths
Also, you are making a too generic negative statement at the very start of your essay. It's true you need to take a stand in the opening of your essay but it can be presented better.
Hello, I can help you again.
There are some minor errors. If you want to use the plural form, continue to use it throughout the sentence. For example, the first sentence there needs to be -s added to the end of producer. Also, "Low culture" should be in all lowercase letters since you use it at the end of the sentence. Another slight error is adding -s to the end of generate. It should read: "generate stereotypes".
The 2nd paragraph you could end the first sentence with "...party together along the New Jersey shore. Change to: "popular shows". The next sentence change attack to attacks and "attract the masses". I was a little confused by the last sentence. A few more words could make it a better sentence: "...should question to what extent should America could preserve its cultural harmony, while such reality shows are aired on national TV."
The 3rd paragraph change charge to "trying". This sentence could be changed: "They make youths envision success, fame and glory as easily attainable skills." The next sentence change stars of pop to "pop stars". Change this sentence to: "In a word, our reality shows portray an easy road to success..." Overnight is just one word.
The last paragraph: "...target masses of viewers to desire of easy stardom and glory with little or no reference to what life is really about. Furthermore, ..."
This was really good, in terms of writing. Your essay is a really high 11, but this is just my opinion. Keep writing to practice for the test!
