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IELTS: people believe "unpaid community service should be compulsory part of shool"


answers: 3
Jul 4, 2013, 01:12pm   #
IELTS task 2
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Thank you in advance for every comments

As has been often said, many high schools have increasingly participated in community service. Such activities contribute a wide range of many facilities from charities to small libraries in remote areas. Although some people have tried to reinforce the schools to have this curriculum in compulsory education, the disadvantages will be more apparent.

Schools have traditionally extra-curriculums such as hospital volunteers, senior facilities or serving meals at home of disabled children. Students not only obtain many experiences from performing their abilities to alleviate some social problems, but people can also receive their assistance. In that case, the students finally can also learn the definition of conscientiousness. In addition, if these activities are mandatory and unpaid, they will then probably be sustainable customs.

Despite the fact that all people benefit from such free service, the work for community might be problematic from inexperience students. Hospital volunteers especially from compulsory programs, for example, need to feed patients at risk of aspiration. Most of them are in hurry and careless for special feeding technique, the patients might come down with pneumonia from choking. On the other hand, if any children or teenagers voluntarily do community service by themselves, they tend to be more cautious. This is therefore essential to consider highly whether obligatory or optional community service take more advantages.

In brief, beneficial effects from obligatory education of community service are learning social responsibility of students and in turn, alleviation of some social problems. However, voluntary students take more advantages especially in skillful jobs in terms of relatively high attention.
Jul 4, 2013, 04:19pm   #
fred123:
a wide range of many facilitiesservices


fred123:
in compulsory education
the education itself is not compulsory, it is a compulsory program that is a part of education

fred123:
the disadvantages will be more apparent.
i think it's better to make this sentence more clear
Jul 4, 2013, 08:37pm   #
fred123:
Such activities contribute to a wide range of many facilities from charities to small libraries in remote areas.
......... facilities does not seem to be the best word to use there;
Such activities that include charity work, improving neighborhood, teaching under privilege children etc. have contributed to better our society in a large way.
fred123:
Although some people have tried to reinforce the schools to have this curriculum in compulsory education, the disadvantages will be more apparent.

Before coming to this point, you need to educate the reader about the argument. So, you've got to insert a sentence about the argument prior to this.
fred123:
Despite the fact that all people benefit from such free services, the work for community might be problematic from when inexperienced students are engaged to deliver the services

fred123:
Hospital volunteers especially from compulsory programs, for example, need to feed patients at risk of aspiration.
............. well, again "aspiration" is a wrong word to use for this idea. Aspiration means;
* A hope or ambition of achieving something: "he had nothing tangible to back up his literary aspirations".
* The object of such an ambition; a goal
Jul 5, 2013, 03:21am   #
fred123:
Schools have traditionally extra-curriculums such as hospital volunteers, senior facilities or serving meals at home of disabled children.
......... this sentence sound a bit awkward....... You better say these services are included in the school curriculum.
Many schools include community service activities as a part of school curriculum.
fred123:
Students not only obtain many experiences from performing their abilities to alleviate some social problems, but people can also receive their assistance.
............... should sound more logical, dear.
These activities help not only students to obtain valuable experiences by contributing to find solutions for social issues, they also help society to better its standards.



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