Unanswered [10] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

People have become overly dependent on technology. What's your opinion?


answers: 5
Mar 1, 2013, 09:53pm   #1
This is my essay. Please check it and give grades if possible.

With the rapid growth of technology, there has been a debate on how we are using technology in our life. Many people think that we are now abusing modern devices to support for our own life; while others reckon that using technology brings us just good things and make our life easier. According to what I have observed and experienced, I believe that people, nowadays, have been overly dependent on technology.
To begin with, it is not hard to recognize the intergral role of technology in houses. Housewives, nowadays, are no longer “housewives” as itself used to mean. They do almost every task with the assistance of modern machines. They have clothes washed by washing machine instead of doing that by hand as before or they clean dishes just by putting them into a dishwasher. In the past, televisions seemed like the luxurious thing but each family now has at least one or even more than two TV sets in their house. It is now common to catch the image of many children or some adults spending most of their time in front of the screens containing various attractive things.
What is more, workplaces are becoming more and more dependent upon technology. In almost every company, there is an advancedly computerized system which makes tasks much easier and quicker. Most of employees have their own mobile phone or computer so that they could exchange information or documents as soon as they want without leaving their desks. Besides, there are many kinds of machine such as printers, photocopiers .etc that make working as easy as walking. In addition, in term of education, students are now also using too much modern devices for their studying. They do calculations even the most simple using portable calculators. They also take advantage of the Internet to do assignments without many efforts.
On the other hand, many people think that people’ abuse of technology just brings good points. It makes our world easier to live as it helps people do all tasks effectively. However, that is not always true. Despite a wide range of benefits from modern technology, we can not inogre bad points it brings. Using modern devices for everything makes people lazier and more passive in life. It causes the creativity of human beings to decrease which is very dangerous for mankind’s future.
In conclusion, it is clear that we depend on modern technology too much today. People should carefully rethink about how they should use modern machines for tasks; otherwises, one day, machines would replace the position of human beings to control the world.

Mar 2, 2013, 12:12am   #2
you can get an A but not may be an A+... a little mistakes can be figured out... it would be better if an expert rather than me tells you all about that... BEST OF LUCK... :)
Mar 3, 2013, 11:22am   #3
Your essay is pretty good but I think some sentences does not support your ideas well. Take for example, "Besides, there are many kinds of machine such as printers, photocopiers .etc that make working as easy as walking". You don't mention how they abuse them.
"In the past, televisions seemed like the luxurious thing but each family now has at least one or even more than two TV sets in their house" is not relevant. You make it connect it with other sentences.
"support for our own life" -"support our life".
Mar 3, 2013, 11:40am   #4
halyphananh
With the rapid growth of technology, there has been a debate on how we are using technology in our life. Many people think that we are now abusing modern devices to support for our own life; while others reckon that using technology brings us just good things and makes our life easier. According to what I have observed and experienced, I believe that people, nowadays, have been overly dependent on technology.
To begin with, it is not hard to realise the intergral role of technology in houses. Housewives, nowadays, are no longer “housewives” as itself used to mean. They do almost every task with the assistance of modern machines. They have clothes washed by washing machine instead of doing that by hand as before or they clean dishes just by putting them into a dishwasher. In the past, televisions seemed like the luxurious thing but each family now has at least one or even more than two TV sets in their house. It is now common to catch the image of many children or some adults spending most of their time in front of the screens containing various attractive things.
What is more, workplaces are becoming more and more dependent upon technology. In almost every company, there is an advancedly computerized system which makes tasks much easier and quicker. Most of employees have their own mobile phone or computer so that they can exchange information or documents as soon as they want without leaving their desks. Besides, there are many kinds of machine such as printers, photocopiers .etc that make working as easy as walking. In addition, in term of education, students are now also using too much modern devices for their studying. They do calculations even the most simple using portable calculators. (you should rewrite this sentence) They also take advantage of the Internet to do assignments without many efforts.
On the other hand, many people think that people’ abuse of technology just brings good points. It makes our world easier to live as it helps people do all tasks effectively. However, that is not always true. Despite a wide range of benefits from modern technology, we can not inogre bad points it brings. Using modern devices for everything makes people lazier and more passive in life. It causes the creativity of human beings to decrease which is very dangerous for mankind’s future. (you should reorganize this paragraph)
In conclusion, it is clear that we depend on modern technology too much today. People should carefully rethink about how they should use modern machines for tasks; otherwises, one day, machines would replace the position of human beings to control the world
Mar 4, 2013, 11:00pm   #5
halyphananh:
With the rapid growth of technology, there has been a debate on how we are using technology in our life.
....... You can improve this better;
Rapid advancement of technology has made a great impact on peoples' life-styles. ................Now you can move on to the second line :)
halyphananh:
According to what I have observed and experienced, I believe that people, nowadays, have been overly dependent on technology.
......... good :)
halyphananh:
Housewives, nowadays, are no longer “housewives” as itself used to mean.

Housewives nowadays are not any longer the ones to what that this term used to refer in previous eras. ......... hmmmmm......nice idea :D
Good essay; good ideas+good structure + good vocabulary :)
Good Luck!
Mar 4, 2013, 11:22pm   #6
Hi,
Try to make a balance in your supporting and opposing views. Though you conclude that "people are overly dependent on technology" the point supporting are much less.

mhss.



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓