Hi Shokhusrav,
here's my suggestion.
People who achieved incredible success in their life seem not to encounter a failure. It is claimed that they got what they need without much effort. However, this view, in my opinion is not correct. Failure is something that everyone experiences during the lifetime, but successful people are able to overcome this ordeal. Hence, it can be said that failure is an outcome of a weak desire. This essay agrees with the statement and will show reasons which support this.
This paragraph is somehow redundant; some sentences can be combined and better written. By the way, you don't need to show or state that directly because it makes your essay awkward.To begin with, failure is an obstacle that should be gone through. It tests people's desire and purposefulness. For example, Edwin Barnes, a person whose desire was to become a partner of Thomas Edison, had nothing. He had only an aim and a desire to achieve it.
Initially, failure, an obstacle that should be gone through, helps examine people's desire and purpose/purposefulness. For example, Edwin Barnes whose desire was to become a partner of Thomas Edison, had nothing but only an expectation or a dream to achieve it.