Parents are responsible to shape their children habits and attitudes, also in regard to the money.

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money.

Parents are responsible to shape their children habits and attitudes. One of the important subjects is financial responsibilities. Children must know how cope with finite money resources and how deal with financial problems. I strongly agree with the statement. All children should be learnt about managing their money in order to be financially responsible adults.

First, I want to start by this sentence "Money does not grows on trees". Children should perceived that money is valuable. Also, money comes from hard working. How? By showing them practically. For instance, we had a general rule of thumb at home. I had to take a responsibility, and my parents paid me instead. It was a fair play! The result was that I understood depending on my income not my parent financial resources. By doing this, I learnt that to obtain anything I should struggle and work hard.

Next, saving money is another way of managing money. When children learn saving money, it become their habit as an adult. For example, my sister always says to her kids to save their money in a piggy bank. They have a definite amount of money every month and squirreled a little away. At the end of year, the piggy bank are broken in a special ceremony. So, they have permitted to buy everything they want. It is an enjoyable experience for them.

Also, we can participate our children in family shopping. At first, they found it difficult how to take the plunge. They are bounded to make mistakes. But, it is educational experience for them. My family is a good example. My brother and I routinely went to super market and bought all ingredients my mother needs for lunch one day in a week. It was very hard to spend limited money. Although, after many weeks we learnt how to deal with this problem.

In conclusion, I strongly agree to learn children managing their money at young age. It has many benefits and advantages that appears in their adult hoods. They are able to value money, save definite part of their monetary assets and spend their income appropriately.

I can help provide you with some helpful feedback to assist you with your writing. I will help you according to each paragraph that was written. First, you are doing good with your transition words at the beginning of each paragraph.

1st: The first sentence I would begin with: "Parents have the responsibility to shape their children's habits and attitudes." The next sentence you must tell the reader how parents teach their children to be responsible. You could describe it as one way parents shape their children is by teaching them how to be responsible financially. Each sentence you write in the paragraph should make your paragraph strong. Remember to use the words: a, to, the. The next sentence, "to" should be placed before cope and deal. If this sentence is quoted, you should use quotation marks around the sentence. The next sentence change it to "All children should learn..."

2nd: You don't have to tell your reader how you would like to begin the sentence. You can delete those words. You could possibly describe it as a common expression or saying. Perceived should be in the present tense, change it to perceive. Working should be work. You use a word that is confused with the correct word. The word you should use is practical. Change the sentence to: "Parents can show them how to be practical." Don't forget that your essay discusses the parents too! Did you have household responsibilities? You could say this only if it is true and you want to be more specific. Delete instead and understood. Depending should be in the past tense. Change learnt to learned. Good example!

3rd: Place about after learn. Change become to becomes. I don't understand squirreled. Do you mean a little stored away? If there is only one piggy bank, are should be changed to "is". When you use they, use "are" instead of have in the next sentence.

4th: There are words that need to be rearranged. Delete we can and change to "children can participate". Delete how and change found to "may find". You are missing "an" and "the" in this paragraph. An should be before educational. When you use supermarket and ingredients, "the" should be before these words. Correct learnt and make it in the past tense.

5th: The last sentence is okay. Also, starting the paragraph with, "In Conclusion", is perfect! You forget to mention the parents. That is a missing detail that could be included.

Hallo Marned.
Nice writing.
I would render some suggestion in terms of my notion.


According to the academic writing, you should account for your notion directly.
Here is my suggestion.

At the first glance, the money could not be afforded easily. For this reason, this is valuable things at which pupils should learn how to spend the expenditure on the right way. To earn immeasurable amount of money, hard working is required. Therefore, it supposed to be experienced to them....


here is my suggestion for the conclusion :

The aforementioned evidence reveals that the young generation are in charge of managing the money early. It renders positive development in which they could be acquired ahead. Afterwards, they would own the skills for valuing the wage, save definite part of their assets....

Thank you.

thank you for reading my essay. your correction is so rational and I will notice all of them. I 'm studying for Toefl exam and try to write in a good ways for giving high score in main exam.