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parents and relatives make the decisions


toefl7 2 / 2  
Aug 17, 2009   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

From the moment we are born, our parents and relatives begin to make important decisions for us. However, when we are older teenagers, we think that we are mature enough and are ready to be on our own, that we are prepared to make important choices in life. In my opinion, however, we are totally wrong, because when we go to college we see how hard it is to be independent. Therefore, I think that when we are older teenagers, we should let our extended family make the important decisions for us.

When we are in High school, we make lots of friends and before graduation we start asking them what they are going to study in college and what job they want to work afterwards. Their responses might have a significant influence on us and might lead us to studying something that we do not like. For example, we may not like studying history, but some of our classmates may say that archeologists are well paid and we might decide to study archeology in university, just because of the money; in other words, we might begin to think that money will stimulate us enough to study a subject that we find uninteresting. However, we then may not be able to graduate because we will not like the subject and even if we do get a diploma, then we will have to work a job that will be high paid but we will not like it and we will have a huge problem. Therefore, we should listen to our relatives for that decision, because they have lots of experience and will be able to explain to us the whole situation. They also know our strengths and weaknesses and will be able to point us to the right major.

Second, our parents and relatives want only the best for us. We should never think that their decision is bad for us. We should listen to them because other wise, we might hurt their feeling and this might lead to the alienation of the family. We might then be left on our own and will regret what we have done. For example, many teenagers escape from their home, because they do not want to listen to their parents any more. However, they realize their mistake, but when they return, they find out that their parents do not trust them so much and the whole family is not the same.

All in all, when we are teenagers, we do not have a lot of experience and we should listen to the people who love us the most - our parents and other relatives.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 17, 2009   #2
From your user name, I'm assuming this is a TOEFL essay. If so, it is very strong for that purpose. Your grammar is generally good, with few punctuation errors. Your thesis and arguments are clear. However, in your introduction, you should summarize or preview the arguments you are going to make in the body of the paper. It would also be good if you did this again in your conclusion. It would be ideal to have one more argument, for a total of three rather than two.

Here are a few corrections and comments:

When we are in High school,W e make lots of friends in high school, and before graduation we start asking them what they are going to study in college and what job they want to work afterwards.

Their responses might have a significant influence on us and might lead us to studying something that we do not like.

Second, our parents and relatives want only the best for us. We should never think that their decision is bad for us.

Hmm... Does wanting the best for someone mean that one knows what will be best for them. My grandmother loved me, but did not have even a high school education. Was she really the best person to decide what I should study at college and where I should go to graduate school?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 17, 2009   #3
Their responses might have a significant influence on us and might lead us to studying something that we do not like. For example, we may not like studying history, but some of our classmates may say that archeologists are well paid and we might decide to study archeology in university, just because of the money;

Whereas parents and relatives never do this? No parent has ever pressured his or her child to be, say, a doctor or a lawyer, or to enter into the family business? Your logic here escapes me.


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