Please tell me your opinion of my explanation. Thanks so much!
In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.
Many people are of opinion that parents should interfere in any money-spending decision of their kids since they believe that children are generally too young to comprehend the value of money. However, I oppose to this belief and think that it's better to let children learn to manage their own money, which helps them become responsible adults in the future. Here I will clarify my viewpoint.
To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that parents should not yield to all of their kids' rampant wishes, but instead teach them how to use their budget wisely by saving up for their critical need and spending appropriately. By saving, they will have their own budget to pay for their personal demands such as toys, school appliances, or anything they wish. This good habit will help them be more selective in every decision they make, since they learn that if they really want to buy something, they need to save up by themselves, not only rely on their parents' budget. And, with careful explanation of what is worth to buy and what is not from parents, children have well-substantiated information to make right decision; their savings will divert into beneficial sources for their developments.
Additionally, they can also comprehend the value of hard-work that brings about that money. To use a limited budget in a most economical way while there are numerous critical demands to spend for, they will realize that how hard their parents have been struggled to bring them a sufficient life. They learn that they cannot have everything they wish immediately and that it takes time to build up everything. Thus, they will be more patient and have less unreasonable cravings. Children with little independence from parents in spending, in contrast, tend to be more extravagant and heedless, which make them prone to spoils when they grow up. Thus, by teaching children how to govern their amounts, parents are incurring in them a substantial understanding of hardship value, helping them become more financially-attentive adults.
To sum up, in order to become grown-up adults in financial decision, children are in need of good spending habits bestowed at an early stage of development. To achieve that goal, parents should make a good guidance by teaching them how to make right choice of products, encouraging them save up for that choice and spend wisely. In addition, children can also learn the hardship behind their spending, which make them less prone to wasteful decisions when they grow up.
Phuong, though your essay is too wordy, it has actually answered the prompt provided. You could have actually discussed this essay in a more direct manner going directly to the heart of the topic which is the parent's responsibility to teach their children all about fiscal / money responsibility at an early age. Then you could have explained why it is essential that parents teach the children how to wisely save and spend based upon historic reasons such as learning to save for what they want to own by working for it, saving so that they can help pay for their college education, or even starting their own business. Don't get me wrong though, your essay works quite well. It just needs to be cleaned up grammatically and given an editing to bring down the word count because the essay could have been discussed in a quicker manner.
