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Parenting training at school days [IELTS] [Essay2]


amalxavier 2 / 2  
Sep 22, 2014   #1
Hi All,

Please help me to improve my essay writing skill.


Q. Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

Parenting is a difficult, but at the same time extremely rewarding job. It is each human society's responsibility to make its members prepare for this toughest challenge. Many argue that this preparation ought to begin from school days itself, however, this is refuted by some others.

We must acknowledge that pupils listen and learn from their teachers, particularly in their younger ages. This connection can be channeled to the parenting lessons. In addition, children can use their parent's life as a live example of their parenting study lesson. For instance, parenting lesson like hitting a child is a bad thing can help a child to cross verify his own life and he or she may highlight the same to teachers as well. All these make them well prepared for the future challenge.

Nevertheless, many believe that children will not be mature enough to understand the complexity of parenting. Also, their shyness towards the topic add a negative impact on the learning. These lessons should not be taken lightly as it may eventually lead to an extreme opposite outcome. For example, if they misunderstood the age and maturity level to become a parent, then it may contribute to an utterly failed result.

It is difficult to find or create a proper syllabus of parenting. People have different opinion on what to include and what not to. Moreover, an extra subject always increases children's study burden.

In conclusion, I have more trust in a little matured audience like college students than school kids in the parenting study.
d96nguyen 5 / 11 4  
Sep 22, 2014   #2
You should give your opinion about this argument. In conclusion, it doesn't relate to the view of this topic.
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Sep 22, 2014   #3
It is difficult to find or create a proper syllabus of parenting. People have different opinion on what to include and what not to. Moreover, an extra subject always increases children's study burden.

"it" refer to what?

your sentence is too short for an IELTS Essay task II. you should develop your idea and make your paragraph become sophisticated.
keep spirit, and always practice ;).
hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 22, 2014   #4
In conclusion, I have more trust in a little matured audience like college students than school kids in the parenting study.

Your conclusion should encompass all materials in the essay. It is not a good ideas to express your opinion. :)

AlsoIn addition , their shyness towards the topic add a negative impact on the learning.
Mann_ms 9 / 20 5  
Sep 22, 2014   #5
Hi Amalxavier...
This is nice topic...
But after I read your essay. we have same problems, determine subject and verb..

for example:
In this sentece you don't put "verb"

but at the same time(adv)extremely(adv)rewarding(adj)job(noun)

position argue in this part unclear. if you use as verb, you should add noun at the firts sentence.But, if you use as noun, you should change with "argument" then add "verb"

Many argue that this preparation ought to begin from school days itself,

each sentece should have at least subject + verb.. so, we must be careful to build sentence :)
but sometimes I forgot to put verb in my sentence too...
wirawiri 2 / 5 1  
Sep 22, 2014   #6
hii..
in paragraph 1. you should put your opinion about agree or disagree.
e.g : i entirely agree with the statement... or i disagree with the statement,
that's my opinion. but your idea is not bad.


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