Unanswered [10] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

A paragraph about Dreams


answers: 8
Dreams are just like flowers,we can't imagine our life without and as such we have to take care of just as we do with flowers to grow up as we want. Every one in this life has his own dreams and lam that one who has alot of dreams and l would like all my dreams to come true one day. One of my dreams is to take a trip around the world, so that l would be able to get knowledge and insight about that an unknown world for me. I know that is impossible to happen but l belive in God's power that can be able to turn the impossible to sth possible. For that l keep on praying him to make it true.
Sep 25, 2009, 09:08am   #4
Mermaid1:

Please l want some one to check the mistakes on what l wrote about dreams.

Hmmm.... I don't see you offering help to others. But, OK.

Mermaid1:
Dreams are just like flowers,we can't imagine our life without and as such we have to take care of just as we do with flowers to grow up as we want.

This starts with a comma splice. The clauses on both sides of the comma are complete sentences. Therefore, that comma ought to be either a period or a semi-colon. In addition, the second clause is confusing, with some missing words and some extra words. I think what you are trying to say is:
Dreams are just like flowers. We can't imagine our life without them, and as such we have to take care of them just as we do with flowers so that they will grow up as we want.
Hi EF
Thank you for your help. Can you tell me when lam able to delete the pronouns when the meaning is clear.I did so because l found the meaning is clear.
Thank you in advance
"Everyone in this life has his own dreams and l am that one who has a lot of dreams and l would like all my dreams to come true one day. One of my dreams is to take a trip around the world, so that l would be able to get knowledge and insight about that an unknown world for me. I know that is impossible to happen but l believe in God's power that can be able to turn the impossible to possible. For that l keep on praying him to make it true."

You have to work on your spacing and spelling. Run SpellCheck through your writing on Word, or online, and I'm sure those could be solved without EF! :)
HI, Mermaid!

Sorry, I didn't realize you were asking for help with this, but I remember thinking that if you were, I wouldn't know where to begin. That is why I wrote back in haiku form...haiku that only makes sense to me if you get my drift...

You lost me after "Dreams are just like flowers[...]." The rest of the sentence is a real mess, I'm afraid. :\

How about this:

Dreams are like flowers; both need nurturing to thrive.

I think that is what you tried to say...
Sep 26, 2009, 04:32am   #8
Why have you written this paragraph? What is its purpose? Is it an assignment? If so, for what class? Were there instructions? What were they? Some background information might make it easier to help you . . .



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓