Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


In order to avoid social crisis we should treat the elders with a courteous attitude


sundin928 12 / 18 10  
Jul 22, 2014   #1
Thank you guys who gave many suggestions on my writings these days.^ ^

In many countries today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society?

It is the fact that because of an aging population, old people account for relaticely large proportion,and there is a growing trend in the world today that more and more the aged have been not respected in some ways.This essay will disscus the reasons for this and examine some of the problems it will have on society.

Older people today are not treated with respect because they are regarded to be barriers to social progress for many young people. For example,they have chosen to delay retirement and hold important positions in companies, so young people may face barriers to top-level promotion and feel demotivated.

Another reason is that elder people are likely to impose a burden on their family and also on the society,they are vulnerable to diseases.This means that young people have to spend more time taking care of older relations, which will influence the daily life of the youth,and that is the reason why many senior citizens have been sent to the nursing house .

At the same time ,many problems are emerged under this trend.Firstly,old people pushed aside may feel frustrated mentally,resulting to Inharmonious situations at home and unhealthy ways and customs on civilization,and thus children's good attitude and kindness to the elder could be influenced negatively by their parents under this atmosphere. Intensifying social contradiction increasingly is another problem,and such a prejudice on old people who rich experience no longer to contribute themselves to the world,although they have ability and intelligent to upgrade social development.

In conclusion,we treat the elders with a courteous attitude is not only a high-quality behaviour but also a reasonble way to boost harmonious atmosphere.In order to avoid social crisis generated by this prejudice, the values such as giving supports for family,imparting experienced working methods to adults,and inheriting traditional culture that ole people made should not be ignored.
xizon7777 5 / 5 4  
Jul 22, 2014   #2
Older people today are not treated with respect because they are regardedto be barriers to social progress for many young people

as far as i know, regarded to be is an incorrect idiom, you should use 'regarded as'

so that young people may face barriers to top-level promotion and feel demotivated.

This meansthat young people have to spend more time taking care of older relations (do you mean relatives ?), which will influence the daily life of the young ,and that is the reason why many senior citizens have been sent to the nursing house

and thus. Thus, children's good attitude and kindness to the elder could be influenced negatively by their parents under this atmosphere

you should say: the attitude of children could be...
paragraph 3 should be combined with the 2nd as it talks about reason, too.
anw, your vocabulary is good, maybe your speaking are so good that it influences your writing
P/s: you should shorten some sentences above
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jul 22, 2014   #3
It is the fact that because of an aging population, old people account for relaticely large proportion,and there is a growing trend in the world today that more and more the aged have been not respected in some ways.

This sentence has a few issues :(
Here you assume that the reader knows the topic. However, the purpose of introduction is to introduce the topic. So, first introduce the issue and then tell the reasons and your view. Second, the sentence is too for a hook (the opening sentence of an essay which has the ability to grab the reader's attention)

Older people today are not treated with respect because they are regarded to beseen as barriers to social progress forby many young people


Home / Writing Feedback / In order to avoid social crisis we should treat the elders with a courteous attitude
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳