IELTS Essay - Negative attitude of young people towards learning

Hi All,

Can you please review and rate this essay written for IELTS:

Nowadays many young people have negative attitude towards learning after they left school. What is the cause and what are the steps that can be taken to bring positive attitude towards learning again?

In recent times, many young people show reluctance to continue studies after school. Their negative attitude towards learning is a matter of serious concern as young generation is often considered the pillar of society. This attitude is primarily developed from the stress of studies and dull curriculum in school. To tackle the problems, the contribution of parents and teachers will be analysed.

Primarily, negative outlook towards learning grows within school students when they cannot cope up with the huge pressure of studies and exams. Their incapability often creates stress and fosters performance anxiety among them. The situation becomes even worse when students get demotivated due to dull and boring learning material which they cannot grasp properly. Education system in South Asian countries, for examples, is more like an exam based system which force pupils to go through inappropriate curriculum. As south Asian children are quite often seen to discontinue studies after school, the merits of argument behind these two reasons can be shown.

However, there are ways to address the problems. First and foremost solution can be provided by parents. Students feel less stressed when they find their parents compassionate, supportive and less demanding. Additionally, teachers also play a vital role. They can stimulate learning spree among students by introducing interacting teaching methods and more practical content in the curriculum instead of abstract theory. For instance, government in Canada has already taken various initiatives to educate teachers about innovative teaching strategies. As Canada has the highest number of university degree holders in the world, the effectiveness of such approaches is proved.

Following this look at the issues that derive from pressure of studies and uninteresting curriculum, it is felt parental care and modern teaching tactics provide plausible remedies. It is hoped these measures are put into action to bring back student's positive attitude towards learning.

i would like to say it is a well written essay. you have mentioned every aspect regarding the matter of concern for young people to leave studies. but you should also consider the fact that it is not only the pressure of studies and exams which leads to a child's swinging emotional state and stops them from studying further but also the stiff competition to grab the opportunity to be in the most prestigious college. if a student fails to perform in his tests; no matter how hard he tries, then he has to deal with the displeasure from his parents and also the disrepute from the society which is a matter of concern for a child's developmental stage.

PS- i am new to this writing stuff so doesn't know much.

hope that helps you with the analysis :)

Some sentences are too long, as a result readers feel difficult to understand. Introduction of the essay is too long and some words are repetition such as nagative attitude towards learning. You also should review the organization of your essay and in each paraphases

Hope this some what help you