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Narrative Essay about a personal experience in which impacted your life


answers: 4
Topic: Write an Narrative Essay 2-3 pages double spaced about a personal experience in which impacted your life. Must have a theme.

-This is my first time using dialogue so i'm not really familiar with the mechanics of dialogue. When writing in present tense do i use said or say? Do i always put a period in the end of a dialogue? what if the dialogue is interrupted? I tried to write in present tense

-I have concerns about keeping the attention of my reader, i personally kinda drift off after the 2nd page. Do you think i did an adequate job keeping the attention of my reader?

-I tried to write in the present sense but it seems using some past tense words were unavoidable. Am I doing something wrong here?

-Do you think the ending and general sentence structure is too awkward?

As usual thank you in advance for all your help

My family is, in my opinion, a very typical family.
My family is like fireworks across the sky, and each member as a distinct pattern that merges into one dazzling design. My family supports one another like the legs of a chair, where each member is a leg that supports the others and bears the weight of one another. My family operates like a clock, where each member is a vital component that keeps it ticking. But there are times when I see my family as cold and calculating, much like the world of politics. In this world, every little error is ridiculed, analyzed, and someone held responsible. Needless to say, as a forgetful teen, I often found myself standing trial. This is what happened in the case of "Misplacement of Documentation".
As the dominant parent, my mother took on the role of leading prosecutor while my father took on the role of a lesser prosecutor.
"You stand trialed here for the irresponsible use of public property... Resulting in the misplacement of documentation for the use of monthly transportation" the leading prosecutor accused
In other words, I lost the monthly TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) pass.
Keeping my heads down to avoid her glare and taking a deep breath to calm myself, I search my mind for something that connected with "monthly pass" without any success. I broaden my search to "transportation". Still nothing...
"Loss of documentation" is soon to be added to my list of many charges, many with punishments still unpaid for. I am losing ground fast and it is going to take a miracle for me to come out clean.
"Public property" she continued "which you took into your jurisdiction for the reason of travelling to the residence of your companion in the day before."
Up to my neck in accusations, I realize there is a slight irregularity to the story.
A flaw. No bigger than that. A flaw so fatal that it will tear the whole case apart. A flaw so big that if it's imprinted into the Hovering Dam, it would force the dam to crack and shatter into a million pieces.
Keeping a blank expression as to let my prosecutors think she has won, I anticipate the last possible moment to strike so the prosecutor won't have a chance to react. In the back of my mind, I laughed manically knowing I had the case won.
"How do you plead?"
"Not guilty" I boomed
"It was my original intention to travel to the residence of my companion" I continued with a smirk on my face "but I decided to cancel the trip due to weather conditions and promptly returned the ticket".
"Let it be known that I, the prosecutor have not received th---" (period?)
"I never needed the ticket," I interrupted, "I didn't have anything to do with it and therefore it can only be concluded that one of the other residence within this household---" (trails off again period here?)
Resonant silence sweeps across the courtroom, if there is witnesses to the trial, clamour will certainly have broke out.
Realizing the implication of my alibi, the charges are dropped and "the documentation" recovered. A culprit was never found for "the misplacement of the ticket", partially because it was never misplaced, and mostly because charges are never bought up against the prosecutors.
I can hear the jury now...
"He's won it! The trail to be remembered throughout all ages! A trial I can be proud to say I partook in. A trial in where the everyday man won. He's beat the system!"
Today, the memory of the great trial of "Misplacement of Documentation" is well remembered. But is it not a source of pride or satisfaction. It is a source of shame and self realization. It does not mark a victory for the common people. Rather it is a just another one of the thousands of pointless arguments in which blame is tossed around like a game of hot potato. It shows our tendency to find fault in others before self. It signifies time wasted in search of a scapegoat that should have gone to right the wrong. I did not "beat" the system as much as I had brought out its flaws.
Flaws so gigantic, that if it was imprinted into our political system, it would slowly tear it apart, and shatter it into a billion pieces.

Also, I realize that I probably have mechanical errors and places where the word or phrase just doesn't flow or make sense. But i just can't to find them. Is there anyway way to correct this?
Good morning.

The rules for dialogue are pretty easy to get used to. For example:
As the dominant parent, my mother took on the role of leading prosecutor while my father took on the role of a lesser prosecutor: "You stand trial here for the irresponsible use of public property resulting in the misplacement of documentation for the use of monthly transportation." In other words, I lost the monthly TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) pass.

If you choose to write in the present tense, you would use "says"; I would not recommend this, however, because it is very tricky and easy to get you as well as your reader confused.

The punctuation is always included on the inside of the quotation marks. As to what punctuation you will use depends on the structure of the entire sentence, not just the dialogue.


"My family is, in my opinion, a very typical family.
My family is like[/font] across the sky, and each member as a distinct pattern that merges into one dazzling design. My family supports one another like the legs of a chair, where each member is a leg that supports the others and bears the weight of one another. My family operates like a clock, where each member is a vital component that keeps it ticking. [font#FF0000]However, there are times when I see my family as cold and calculating, much like the world of politics. In this world, every little error is ridiculed, analyzed, and someone held responsible. Needless to say, as a forgetful teen, I often found myself standing trial. This is what happened in the case of "Misplacement of Documentation." Nice opening.
As the dominant parent, my mother took on the role of leading prosecutor while my father took on the role of a lesser prosecutor: "You stand trial here for the irresponsible use of public property resulting in the misplacement of documentation for the use of monthly transportation." In other words, I lost the monthly TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) pass.
Keeping my head down to avoid her glare and taking a deep breath to calm myself, I search my mind for something that connected with "monthly pass," without any success. I broaden my search to "transportation." Still nothing...
"Loss of documentation" is soon to be added to my list of many charges, many with punishments still unpaid for. I am losing ground fast and it is going to take a miracle for me to come out clean.
"Public property," she continued, "which you took into your jurisdiction for the reason of travelling to the residence of your companion in the day before."
Up to my neck in accusations, I realize there is a slight irregularity to the story.
A flaw. No, bigger than that. A flaw so fatal that it will tear the whole case apart. A flaw so big that if it's imprinted into the Hoover Dam, it will force the dam to crack and shatter into a million pieces.
Keeping a blank expression as to let my prosecutors think she has won, I anticipate the last possible moment to strike so the prosecutor won't have a chance to react. In the back of my mind, I laughed manically knowing I had the case won.
"How do you plead?"
"Not guilty!" I boomed.
"It was my original intention to travel to the residence of my companion," I continued with a smirk on my face, "but I decided to cancel the trip due to weather conditions and promptly returned the ticket."
"Let it be known that I, the prosecutor, have not received th---"
"I never needed the ticket," I interrupted, "I didn't have anything to do with it and therefore it can only be concluded that one of the other residence within this household---"
Resonant silence sweeps across the courtroom; if there were witnesses to the trial, clamour would certainly have broke out.
Realizing the implication of my alibi, the charges are dropped and "the documentation" recovered. A culprit was never found for "the misplacement of the ticket," partially because it was never misplaced, and mostly because charges are never bought up against the prosecutors.
I can hear the jury now...
"He's won it! The trail to be remembered throughout all ages! A trial I can be proud to say I partook in. A trial in where the everyday man won. He's beat the system!"
Today, the memory of the great trial of "Misplacement of Documentation" is well remembered, but is it not a source of pride or satisfaction. It is a source of shame and self realization. It does not mark a victory for the common people. Rather it is a just another one of the thousands of pointless arguments in which blame is tossed around like a game of hot potato. It shows our tendency to find fault in others before self. It signifies time wasted in search of a scapegoat that should have gone to right the wrong. I did not "beat" the system as much as I had brought out its flaws.
Flaws so gigantic, that if it was imprinted into our political system, it would slowly tear it apart, and shatter it into a billion pieces."

Excellent! The essay kept my attention throughout; you have a great example that keeps attention, and your conclusion wraps back up to your introduction very nicely. Very good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Thank you for your prompt reponse.

I just have one last question about verb tenses.

I would like to write the essay in past tense as you suggested. Which tense is my essay in? I'm confused because i used both past tense and present tense verbs. Also if i were to write in past tense does that mean i will have to change the verbs in between the opening and closing into past tense verbs?
Good afternoon.

The essay is currently successfully written in present tense. The times when you are thinking back to the memory about the day you "took" the ticket are appropriately in past tense. The statements where your mom is grilling you are in the present, and this is all appropriate. As you did so well in the present tense, leave it as it is; it works well. Were you to write it again in the past, almost everything would have to be changed, and you would lose some of the effect. For instance, "Realizing the implication of my alibi, the charges are dropped and "the documentation" recovered. A culprit was never found for "the misplacement of the ticket," partially because it was never misplaced, and mostly because charges are never bought up against the prosecutors" would have to be changed to, "I realized the implication of my alibi; the charges were dropped and "the documentation" was recovered. A culprit was never found for "the misplacement of the ticket," partially because it was never misplaced, and mostly because charges were never bought up against the prosecutors."

While it still makes sense, the impact is significantly lessened. All of the verbs, pretty much, would need to be changed to "ed" verbs.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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