IELTS - Too much noise in public places; Causes and Measures

There is too much noise in many public places. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem?
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With the progress of urbanization, increasing people come to the big cities, and most of them from the rural area. It means they probably do not receive any formal education. Those are the people who are tend to behave badly in public places. As a consequence, there is more noise than even before.

However, it is not the only reason to cause this problem; the respect to others is usually ignored in our modern education. It is a fact that people or education institute focus on one's academic performance and look down upon the good manner that we inherit from our ancestors. By having that, people do not know how to behave properly in public places. Thus, it is common to see someone who speak loudly in front of others.

In order to address this problem, the governments, the education institutes and individuals should cooperate each other to encourage people maintain a good manner in public places. The governments may allocate more money to nurture the sense of public awareness. For example, it is possible for the nations to make the advertisement on TV, newspaper or even public places to convey the idea of the importance of respect to others. Another key point is that the education institutes should treat the manner class as vital as the other academic classes. In other words, the schools must pass the good manner to students at the same time of instilling the knowledge. The individuals are also important. Individuals need to point out the people who make the noise of what they should do, and persuade them to behave properly.

In conclusion, there are many key points causing this issue. To resolve it, the entities have been mentioned above should work with each other. I believe that the more effort these entities put in, the lesser chance we see nosily public places.

This is not a paraphrase of the rubric given.
Try and be more explicit when summarizing.
I am an IELTS taker also and
preparing,according to what I've learnt
from the ubiquitous blogs online. I feel we
need a paraphrase before starting any topic
without copying from the rubric. If I am to
write. I could start by writing thus.

There is too much noise in many public
places.
What are the causes of this problem? What
can be done to solve this problem?
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Recently,it has been observed that public
areas in our society experiences excessive
noise. This problem sometimes create lack
of concentration for some passers-by and
people living in the neighbourhood. This
essay will look into some causes and possible
solution to this acclaimed menace.

I stand to be corrected also. Thanks.

However I can't simply judge ur writing totally but I feel there are some grammatical errors which can be fixed by the pros.

Thanks, could you point out my grammar errors?

With the progress of urbanization, increasing number of people come to the big cities, and most of them come from the rural area.


.... What's the link between these two sentences? Do you mean to say that uneducated people are noisy? You need to set up a good link between the lines otherwise your ideas don't flow through well.


Please remember to post this type of essays into Writing Feedback forum. I moved it from Undergraduate to Writing Feedback

...Education institutes...we say "educational institutes.
Also you can not look down upon behaviour...you can "shun" it.

...Teach d manner class...could as well be written as. Concentrate more on civics, moral values and etiquettes.

...To resolve this the entities have been mentioned above should work with each other... "To alleviate this menace,the aforementioned departments should work together".

I hope I've been able to point out some of them.

Thanks.