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IELTS: Too much freedom for children affected their studies


devabe2005 46 / 97  
Jul 21, 2014   #1
In this modern world, some people reckon that children have too much freedom while others tend to have opposite opinion. I agree with the statement that children are given too much freedom nowadays. There are three reasons to prove that children have more freedom nowadays.

Firstly, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies. This shows that parents given independence for their children to select and participate in their interested activities which made them more focused and well organized. In future they can select their extra activity as their career.

Secondly, another evidence shows that children are given freedom to spend pocket money in which they may buy expensive toys, cigarette, drugs, alcohol and may induce in illegal activity at the young age. They cannot concentrate in studies due to the distraction of these activities which affect their future. For example, recent news about kidnapped by his friends in need of money to celebrate new year and demand money from his parents later they killed the child. Now they are in juvenile prison.

Finally, children are given freedom to go alone to friend house in which they will meet stranger and may become victim of paedophile. As a result, children are psychologically affected in young age which spoil their future. For example, news about girl was molested by a man who made friendship with the girl while she was going alone in the street to meet her friend.

To sum up, the above explanations and example shows that children are given too much freedom which affected their studies. Children should be given limited freedom and monitored by their parents often provide advice about the stranger and friends and not allow to send alone to the friend house or far away from the home. With the limited freedom they will study well and become flying colors in their future.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jul 21, 2014   #2
There are three reasons to prove that children have more freedom nowadays.

I like yoru approach towards the intorduction. However, I wish you removed the last line as it is not going to add much value to your essay. It in fact disturbs your flow.

Firstly, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities today, along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies. This shows that parents have given independencefreedom tofor their children to select and participate in their interested activitiesfollow the interest of their children, which made them more focused and well organized.


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