The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust - reliability as a most important trait

Hi,
as part of my TOEFL IBT preparation, I've written the following essay. I've tried to write in under TOEFL conditions and timed myself on it. This has been written within 30 minutes. Please let me know what you think and how you would rate it.

The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust. I would like to choose people as friends who are intelligent and have senses of humor, but the most important characteristics of friends should be reliable. Friendship without reliability, is not logical, how we can share our secrets with someone who we cannot trust.

Why do we need to choose a person as a friend? In fact, we need those people who help us where we get involved in troubles. We need their sympathy and affection when we have been overwhelmed by grief. In addition, we need friends who can understand us, when we could not response their demands. Hence, to satisfy our demands as a human, we admittedly need to find some close friends.

Nowadays, without reliability, it is hard to have a close relationship with a person. These days, we can find individuals who try to be close with us, because they decide to deceive us to obtain our properties or private information etc. Thereby if we do not know exactly the personality of a person who wants to have a close relationship with us, we may face many difficulties in the future. Thereby, we need those people who we can rely on.

To sum up, based on before mentioned ideas, to choose everybody as a friend, however, being smart or having a sense of humor seems to be attractive, but the most important trait of a person as a close friend is reliability.

The most important thing you accomplished in this essay is that you understood and successfully answered the prompt. However, the essay is confusing because you mention other traits as well instead of just mentioning one characteristic and spending the rest of the time discussing only that. There was no need to mention any other trait because you were not being asked to mention other traits in the prompt. Your introduction and thesis could have been best served if you immediately presented an overview as to why you believed that reliability is the most important trait in a friend.

This is not a bad essay for something written in 30 minutes. After the scattered first paragraph, you seem to have gotten your direction in the succeeding paragraphs. I would have liked to seen a longer explanation and justification for our belief but I believe that you did a good job using the time allotted.

Thank you Dear vangiespen,
Is it possible to find my mistakes where ever I had?
As you know,We should not have any grammatical mistakes in the exam.

Let me point out some corrections for you. The strikeouts mean to delete, red means to replace, blue means to add :-)


- The basis of...


- The people I choose to become my friends are intelligent...


- have asense of...


- the most important characteristic of a friend is reliability .


...
- Weneed people who ...


- when we get involved...


- when we cannot be a friend to them during their own time of need.


- they betray our confidence, our trust, and their reliability as friends in the future...


- So, if we do not...


- We need...


- Therefore, keeping in mind the previously mentioned ideas about the importance of reliability in a friendship, it becomes easier for all of us to understand why reliability should be the foundation of every strong friendship we make.

I hope you won't mind that I reworded some sentences for you. I just felt the thoughts would flow better that way. I hope you like it. Use this as a reference for your next essay if you wish :-)

Thank you Dear vangiespen
You also help me in the previous essays. I do not know how to appreciate. I like to know my mistakes, even statements which are not organized well. So I try to use your points which are admittedly useful.

Thank you so much:)