Please give me feedback on my essay. Thanks so much
Difficulties make people powerful for the problems they may encounter in the future. Experiences make people more sophisticated to be ready for the competitive life. Most important, however, learning valuable lessons from experiences make it possible for people to develop the sense of self-confidence.
First, people make new experiences to be more sophisticated. They can learn how to encounter to problems and how to find solutions, which are practical for the problems. For an instance, most students want to enter to best universities. They need to be successful in the entrance exam by getting high scores. Therefore, they have to study hard and manage their time in order to be preparing in the exam. Success in these experiences, help students to be prepared in the future competitive world.
Experiences make people more confident. The people, who gain more experiences, could be confident to encounter with difficulties. For an example, it is easier for those who live in the drain area, to be alive by shortage of water. They can manage their water easily and know how to be alive, because they had experienced being in this situation. As a result, they never lose their hope and try to find water while they are searching.
To sum up, experiences make people prepared for the future problems. They would resist, when they will encounter with unforeseen problems.
1. Please show the requirements of your essay. I cannot help you if I don't know the requirements.
2. You repeat a lot of words in your essay( experiences, make, they...) It is better if you use a range of vocabulary.
3. structures of sentences are quite poor. Most of them are S+V+O
4. when you need to give examples, just write " for example, for instance" not " for an example, for an instance". furthermore, "For instance" is less formal than "for example".
5. Repeat the structure when you start sentence in body part
Paragraph 1: people make new experiences to be more sophisticated
Paragraph 2: Experiences make people more confident
(S+make+O+more)
1. Please show the requirements of your essay. I cannot help you if I don't know the requirements.
please clarify about requirement ? I would try to take an TOEFL exam
Here is an example of how I would answer this prompt for the TOEFL test:
It is said that experience is the best teacher. Maybe because life lessons are learned as we continue to live our day to day life. We may not know it but every activity we engage in on a daily basis teaches us an indirect lesson that we remember and store in our memory for future use. We deal with problems and crises on a daily basis and we use our past experiences to deal with the problem at present.
Take for example the issue of managing our finances as adults. As children, we receive an allowance from our parents and we are tasked to manage that money on a weekly basis. Making it suffice for all our needs, whims, and caprices. As we get older, we learn that the money we receive from our parents no longer suffices for our needs. We learn how to work at part time jobs in order to make extra income. Which we then add to the allowance that we receive. We then learn the value of money and how it is an important necessity in our everyday life. As adults, we start to work in order to help us survive because our parents no longer financially support us. The experience we had in managing our allowance, working part-time, and properly spending the money we have helps us to manage our finances as adults.
Our experience with money as children and teenagers helped prepare us to handle our future finances and spending problems as adults. That is one of the most valuable lessons that we learned from our previous experience in handling money. And guess what? We never knew that we were learning a lesson that we could use in our future life.
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I hope that my answer to the essay helps to give you an idea of how to approach answering a TOEFL essay. You need to be able to properly answer the prompt provided within 30 minutes. So it is not about the length of the essay, it is about the content, the essence of your statement. That is what will be graded because your answer shows your capacity to understand the English language and how well you can express yourself in the English language :-)
please clarify about requirement ? I would try to take an TOEFL exam
This is an example about requirement.
"It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer"
your essay is short. please expound more and practice proper indention.
