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Money spent on Sports should be equal to money spent on University Libraries


answers: 6
Jun 27, 2011, 11:51pm   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Schools should give the same amount of money to their students' sport activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


Sports are an important part of our lives. Sports make people strong. It entertains viewers. It also brings unity in a country whenever there is game competetion with onother countries. Some people think that schools should not fund as much as the school fund for a library while others supports funding for sports. In my view, schools should spend as much money on sports as they spend in libraries for two important reasons.

First, it helps a country to find superior players. Every players who start playing at first do not wether he or she is good player or bad player, but when they compete in a mass, this gives them opportunities to figure out the talent they have. For example, one of my friend who was studying with me was from a very poor family. He studied upto class ten in a school where there was no sport facitity. After passing class ten, he went to high school with a great sports ficilities. Along with his study, he also started participating in the sports. He became number one player of cricket in Nepal. This experience taught me that he would not have been the best player if he had not gone to a school with sports facility.


Second, spending money on sports is good for schools. All the schools want to earn name and fame. The way of achieving that name and fame is through their products (students). If their students are competent, the reputation of the school will add up, and vice versa. Sports are one of the means through which the schools can be popular. For example, Trichandra Campus in Kathmandu Nepal is was very unknown campus before the year 1998 when a national championship football was held in Kathmandu. A team from Trichandra campus won the Championship. The next day, the school president was on the television claiming the achievement their students had made. Everybody in Nepal now know that campus just because of that game. This fact showed me that sports keep matter in reputation of the schools.

In conclusion, though some people disagree that schools should not spend the same amount of money as library on sports, I feel that schools, if they can, must spend money on sports. Spending money on sports is not only good for students, but it is good for schools. Thus, schools should not hegitate a little about spending money on sports.

Sports are an important part of our lives.
-> Sports is an important part of our lives or you can say: Sports plays an important/crucial part/role in our lives.
Sports make people strong. It entertains viewers.
This point is very good ^^. But I think the writing style is much better if you say: Sports not only makes people healthy/strong but also entertains viewers.
It also brings unity in a country whenever there is game competetion with onother countries.
-> It helps to bring/promote unity among countries whenever there is a sports event or competition.
Some people think that schools should not fund as much as the school fund for a library while others supports funding for sports. In my view, schools should spend as much money on sports as they spend in libraries for two important reasons.
-> Some people do not think that universities should fund sports as much as libraries. In my view, however, it is well worth giving the same amount of money to sports activities as to university libraries for two following important reasons.

I really like your opinions and thoughts. You may need to write more grammatically.


NOTE: Fund is a transitive verb, so it is followed by a direct object.
Jun 28, 2011, 06:47am   #3
It also brings unity among people in a country whenever the country plays against there is game competetion with onother countries other nations. Some people think that schools should not fund as much as the school fund they do for a libraryies while others supports the idea of funding equally for sports.

Every players (note; every player, all players) who starts playing at first does not know wether he or she is a good player or a bad player, but when they compete in a mass, this gives them opportunities to figure out the talent they have. unless he or she gets a wide exposure of taking part in sports competitions. For example, one of my friends (note; one of many; therefore it is always in plural) who was studying with me, was from a very poor family. He studied upto class ten in a school where there was were no sport facility facilities. However, Aafter passing class ten, he went got the opportunity to get admitted to a high school with a great sports ficilities.

I guess you are preparing for TOEFL since you follow the right structure for it, which is good. However, you better pay more attention to your grammer. Duyen has given you some good advise. Keep practising. You'll do fine. GOOD LUCK!
Jun 28, 2011, 11:57pm   #4
Thank you very much Dayen. I appreciated your time for the edition. I will be posting more essays, please review them too whenever you have time.
Jun 29, 2011, 11:08pm   #6
Second, spending money on sports is good for schools. All the schools want to earn name and fame. The way of achieving that
name and fame (it sounds better if you dont repeat what you had just said) is through their products (students) (try to be a bit more academic by saying "their students' achievements" or something like that). If their students are competent, the reputation of the school will

add up
be enhanced, and vice versa. Sports are one of the means through which the schools can be popular. For example, Trichandra Campus in Kathmandu Nepal
is was
had been an
very unknown campus before the year 1998 when a national championship football was held in Kathmandu. A team from Trichandra campus won the Championship. The next day, the school president was on the television claiming the achievement their students had made. Everybody in Nepal now
know knows about
that the campus just because of that game. This
fact example clearly shows that

showed me that sports keep matter in reputation of the schools.

In conclusion, though some people disagree that schools should not spend the same amount of money as library on sports, I feel that schools, if they can, must spend money on sports. Spending money on sports is not only good for students, but it is good for schools. Thus, schools should not hegitate a little about spending money on sports. (try to not repeating the word schools frequently)
hahahahah.. the leaf ninja... what a great username. It leave my mind wondering, because... well, it must be wet leaves, because dry leaves are crunchy/noisy in a way that interferes with ninja-ing.

Sports are an important part of our lives.---this first sentence makes the reader stop paying attention. It is too obvious and simplistic.

If you cut that sentence, it will start with this:
Sports make people strong.---I love this sentence. It hastwo interesting nouns, one emotive adjective, and an action verb. It contains few words. It's a great sentence to use at the beginning.

This experience taught me that he would not have been the best player if he had not gone to a school with sports facility.----This example is excellent.


Second, spending money on sports is good for schools. ---In this paragraph topic sentence, I think you should be more specific. Do you know what I mean by "more specific" here? You should include a few more words to express how it is good for schools. Then, after making this sentence full and meaningful you can proceed with the paragraph.

Make every sentence full and meaningful. :-)



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