Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Money is a loyal servant or a cruel master; it depends on the way that you use and consider it.


tuanbmt987 1 / 1  
Feb 22, 2015   #1
A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Success is always a major problem for many people. Some people think that, if they earn plenty of money, they will be successful. I do agree with this. To illustrate, I will give three points in this essay.

Money gives having a happy family. In a family, if parents have plenty of money, they will have good conditions to look after their children. They always find out the best ways to bring them up a good quality life, such as having beautiful clothes, choosing the best schools, and giving them anything they need. Parents will take them to school and pick them up every day. When their children grow up, they will send them to overseas to be open-minded, and increase their knowledge. They will be easily to find a better job. Therefore, money will bring our family to be a happy family.

Money brings us to help other people. I have met many people in my life who have earned plenty of money. They use their money to help the poor people. When I was living in Vietnam, I went to the Francis Shelter where they had many special people living there. A man, who was called a brother, took care of them. Despite his family is living in the United States, but he has been bringing his time nurturing them. He has earned plenty of money from his job. He built the house to collect the poor people from many places in Vietnam to feed them. I was surprised when I met him, because there had around seventy disabled adults and children. He said to me, "When you have free time please come here to help them, because they need help," I stayed there one week.

Also, I went to another orphanage for help disabled children. I met many volunteers coming from all over the world, such as Australian, Britain, German and Russian who were staying there. I asked a Britain, 'How do you feel when you are staying here?" "I am very joyful, happy and peaceful to take care of them, because I need to bring them whatever they lacking, such as being loved or having a good life as many as normal people. They are really lovely and beautiful, she said." Hence, money will be a key to be successful in your life by using it to help other people.

Finally, money can buy anything you need. It is easily to buy anything if you have earned plenty of money. You are intending to buy a big house or you want to go travelling around the world. It does not matter because you are keeping lots of money in your "hand". Money is a loyal servant. So that let yourself use it a wisely.

Nevertheless, money will be a cruel master if you are depended on it. You want to be a millionaire, but you do not want to work much. What will happen? You might have intended in your head to do evils. For instance, you go to a bank to rob money, or you come in a rich house to thief. Afterwards, you will be arrested, because of money. Thus, let money not to be a master, so you should control it.

In brief, money will bring you successfully, if you know how to use it. You can give the money to the poor people, or you can buy anything you need. Money is a loyal servant or a cruel master; it depends on the way that you use and consider it.
hunhann 6 / 23  
Feb 22, 2015   #2
I think your essay is good at some points.
But I think that you should write one more paragraph about some people who can do anything to have a lot of money, do not deny to do anything cruel. It means that they do not success. I think so.

Good luck
OP tuanbmt987 1 / 1  
Feb 22, 2015   #3
Thank you very much for feedback Hunhann! I think that your thought was right, so I will try to write one more paragraph to explain. Do you think is it too long one!
hunhann 6 / 23  
Feb 26, 2015   #4
NO. You should write it short and do not lengthen so that it will o.k


Home / Writing Feedback / Money is a loyal servant or a cruel master; it depends on the way that you use and consider it.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳