Yulis, can you clarify the prompt for me? I just need to get an idea of what the prompt requires you to answer. Right now, your essay is quite confusing to read because you have your paragraphs all mixed up and your thoughts are scattered at the moment. Let me see if I can direct you towards a better way of discussing this :-)
Nowadays, the modern time makes all people busy with their job. They must come to the office on time, work quickly and sometimes go home faster for their family. But, this problem is on the bad condition with traffic problem. Government have to solve this problem with some actions like as increasing of tax private car be more expensive and use the money to makes good public transport so people will be more interest to go anywhere by it.
- Where is the restated prompt? How does the busy lifestyle/job connect to the traffic problem and why are you being asked for a solution to it? We really need to read the prompt here.This essay will explain about some advantages of that bad condition. For example; the country will be able to save fuel for their vehicles, no traffic jam , makes decreasing pollution , makes good the road infrastructure, and care with environment. People can be a member of those actions or probably some communities with other population. It is because when people are understanding and care with country's problem, they will be able to think for 5 - 10 years later. If government try improving public transport, people will be interest to use it and probably they use the private vehicles only for 2 until 3 times a weeks. And it will be effective action to decrease pollution and solve the traffic issue.
- I don't see you actually discussing any of these things in the essay that you wrote. You know very well that you have to discuss each reason you give in detail right? So you have to do that with at least 2 reasons.On the other hand, the country who has actions like above, it is also makes some disadvantages for example, it make going down profit of the car company business, everything will be more expensive, people will buy the vehicles by credit, many people will load the money from the bank, and many people will resign from their job because their salary is not enough to cover their requirements. Government must think about those disadvantages, because if that problems happen it will make many people do criminal to other people and many demonstrations in the country.
In conclude, when government will do some action like in introduction paragraph, they must to think about what effect for poor people on the country.
- It really sounds like you did not take this essay seriously Yulis. There is a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements and you failed to present any valid solutions to the traffic problem nor relate it in a clear manner to the work or lifestyle of the people. You need to revise this essay overall. At this moment, the essay does not make sense and is not worth the time that you took to write it. I know you can do better than that :-(