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A mistake i learned from - narrative essay


answers: 3
Hi everybody,
I wrote this essay and I need your help with grammar and other stuff which can go wrong in essay. English is my second language so every feedback will be helpfull.

Thanks a lot

Bad Decision
It was the afternoon on the great sunny Friday; my favorite day of the week. I received a long awaited phone call from the John Brown University. A pleasant man let me know that there was an open spot in the basketball team and if I want I can get a full scholarship. Only bad side was that I have to come as soon as I could to be prepared for the basketball season.
I felt very, very satisfying because I knew that the hard work, on a court, during past couple years, finally paid off. A pleasant man from the phone call was actually a head coach of the basketball team. He told me a lot of good thing about the school and the basketball program. He also gave me a week to think about his offer. So I took a sit and together with my parents decided that this offer will be good for me as a basketball player and, more important, as a man because school is Christian.
A flight day came faster than any one of us thought. Soon, I was at the airport with my bags, more than ready to show how good athlete and student I'm. After a long flight and all cities I went through, I finally end up in Tulsa where assist coach suppose to pick me up. I took my bags and I start moving toward the exit. I was so confused because there were a lot of people over there and I just couldn't see coach. Eventually he saw me, and my US experience started.
A school and a town were not as big as I was expecting but I still liked it. A time passed really fast and school started as well. Practicing and school together wasn't fun at all. Anyways, I was extremely motivated, so it wasn't problem to me. Everything was going perfect until I didn't get injured. I twisted my ankle, and for a first time a felt a little bit of "hard times". I didn't even think I'll injury again in just couple month later. Surgery on my knee wasn't good idea at all, but I had to do it. Later on, I was on crunches and in the huge pain inside of my right knee.
In that point of time I was on my own. My family was far away in Serbia and all I was able to do is to expect support from my teammates, friends, and coaches. In the first couple days almost every person I knew came to visit me and see how I'm doing except one, the coach. I felt postponed because he was the one who should come and say words like "don't worry" and "we will prepare you to play next season". Instead of those words eventually, after a month or so, I got "we will not renew your scholarship". For person who needed support, those words were shocked. In same second in my head blasted picture of a man who is going home as a loose article.
However, I have learned that even if God is learning us thought his words to care about the other people, we still have to care, maybe twice as much, about ourselves. For example, when I was feeling pain in my knees during a practice I shouldn't "take one for a team". I should just stop practicing and in that way take care of myself, and keep myself out from injury. For future times I already know that it's better to be "weak" in coaches' eyes than to get a surgery on your knee.

It was the afternoon of a great, sunny Friday, my favorite day of the week.

I felt very satisfied because I knew that the hard work on the court during past couple of years had finally paid off.

Everything was going perfect -- until I got injured. I twisted my ankle and, for the first time, I felt a little bit of "hard times."

Surgery on my knee wasn't a good idea to me at all, but I had to do it. Later on, I was on crutches and felt a huge pain inside of my right knee.

You have a good start. Keep going!

Hope this helps!
The pleasant man from the phone call was actually the head coach of the basketball team. He told me a lot of good things about the school and the basketball program.

I didn't suspect that I would injure it again in just couple month later. Surgery on my knee wasn't an appealing idea at all, but I had to do it. Later on, I was on crutches and in the huge pain, which emanated from the inside of my right knee.

In the first couple days almost every person I knew came to visit me and see how I was doing, except one person: the coach.

For person who needed support, those words were shocking. In same second, in my head blasted a picture of a ...

I think you can improve this a lot by adding one sentence to the end of the first paragraph and one sentence to the end of the last paragraph. Let those two sentences say something about the same philosophical idea. You might reflect on what you learned from the experience, and make an observation. You can connect the first and last paragraph by adding a sentence to each.

It will be good to do that, because the last paragraph seems to end too quickly, too abruptly.



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